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School should organize activity after the class. Agree or disagree?

School should organize activity after the class. Agree or disagree? 2bg9A
In this era schools and parents are educating their children in not only education but also in sports. Some people believe that schools should organize activity after the class is very beneficial for opponents to disagree. I believe that schools should also provide the training for children not only in subject but also in extra circular activities which is very helpful. The reasons are a bright career, physical fitness. Firstly, these days children are very week due to a lack of physical activity. Many children are interested to play video games. To avoid this, parents and teachers should include the students in games like cricket, basketball, football. These games not only give the physical energy, it also provides strength in both body and mind. These games and sports help the children to relax from studies and acts as a stress buster. According to the survey, these days many children and parents are showing interest in games when compared to the last five years and the number is increasing dramatically. Secondly, sports also provide a good career. It keeps the people in good wealth and fame. In this advanced era, students are choosing their career in an interesting field which gives name and fame. There are many people in the sports fields and become an international celebrity. For example, Ronaldo the greatest football player born in a small village and this career and hard work brought him worldwide. In conclusion, there are many advantages of activities to students can improve themselves and can build a good career in their interested way.
In this era schools and parents are educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that schools should organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for opponents to disagree. I believe that schools should
also
provide the training for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in extra circular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful. The reasons are a bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, physical fitness.

Firstly
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
week due to a lack of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are interested
to play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. To avoid this, parents and teachers should include the students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like cricket, basketball, football. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give the physical energy, it
also
provides strength in both body and mind. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to relax from studies and acts as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster. According to the survey, these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and parents are showing interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
when compared to the last five years and the number is increasing
dramatically
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wealth and fame. In this advanced era, students are choosing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in an interesting field which gives name and fame. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fields and become an international celebrity.
For example
, Ronaldo the greatest football player born in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work brought him worldwide.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves and can build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in their interested way.

IELTS essay School should organize activity after the class. Agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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