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Restricting mobiles in school, discuss advantages and state opinion.

Restricting mobiles in school, discuss advantages and state opinion. kYW32
Nowadays, we see a lot of schools restricting the use of mobile phones. Whether if it's the right thing to do or not is up to debate. My opinion leans towards the positive side more as compared to the negative one. Here, in this essay I will discuss both the scenarios and then explain my stance on the matter. Mobile restriction can be beneficial as it will improve learning experience. Students will be less distracted and more focused on the tasks being assigned, rather than peeking at their phones in the classrooms. Nowadays, we have social media, which is very addictive and cause the students to easily shift towards it when they get a notification. This will result in bad grades for the student, not only that, but also other students will be disturbed by the ringtones and in turn lose their focus. Therefore, a restriction will help students get away from their addiction and bring their concentration back to the lecture their teacher is giving. Another very important point to consider is the health and wellbeing of a student. In an age where mostly everything is done on mobile; we often discount the affects it may have on our health. Students who keep on using their mobiles do not socialize with others, which in turn affects their mental health. Secondly, it is important to realize the amount of radiation that can have adverse effects on the student’s health. Consequently, a regulation on mobile phones will result in a better health and wellbeing of the student and therefore better grades overall. Considering the implications of student health and wellbeing, to avoid distractions in the classroom and counter addictive behaviours as I have mentioned above, I think it’s reasonable to assume that restrictions should be place on mobile usage in an educational setup.
Nowadays, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
schools restricting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile phones. Whether if it's the right thing to do or not is up to debate. My opinion leans towards the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one. Here, in this essay I will discuss both the scenarios and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my stance on the matter.

Mobile restriction can be beneficial as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
learning experience.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will be less distracted and more focused on the tasks
being assigned
,
rather
than peeking at their phones in the classrooms. Nowadays, we have social media, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addictive and cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
easily
shift towards it when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a notification. This will result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
grades for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
be disturbed
by the ringtones and in turn lose their focus.
Therefore
, a restriction will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from their addiction and bring their concentration back to the lecture their teacher is giving.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point to consider is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. In an age where
mostly
everything
is done
on mobile; we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
discount the affects it may have on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on using their mobiles do not socialize with others, which in turn affects their mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to realize the amount of radiation that can have adverse effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Consequently
, a regulation on mobile phones will result in a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and
therefore
better grades
overall
.

Considering the implications of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
, to avoid distractions in the classroom and counter addictive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
as I have mentioned above, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it’s reasonable to assume that restrictions should be place on mobile usage in an educational setup.
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IELTS essay Restricting mobiles in school, discuss advantages and state opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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