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Q----The amount of time spend on sport exercise should be increased at schools in order to tackle the obesity problem. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest ?

Childhood obesity, in many countries, has become a huge issue, and it should be controlled. While I agree that schools can effectively regulate this problem with increasing sports and exercise time, however, I do not consider that it is the best way to tackle the problem. On the one hand, educational institutions can allocate extra time in their timetable for sports and exercise, which might allow obese children to participate in these physical activities formore time during school time under the supervision of school staff. If students spend 1or 2 hours to perform a physical workout in groups with their peers in schools, they are more likely to find engaging in it. Consequently, more time spend on physical exercise at schools, more likelihood to burn calories easily. However, despite exercising at schools can be beneficial for losing weight, there are many more other ways to solve the obesity issue. They are also equally effective for controlling young people's weights. Schools should educate their pupils about healthy eating routines, and health issues to be overweight such as diabetes. Furthermore, parents have a significant role in their children's lives to reduce weight. This is because a child tend to eat one or two meals at home, and family can closely monitor his or her child dietary habits. Therefore, they ought to motivate him or her when a child making healthy eating food choices. Also, I believe governments should help children to reduce overweight in terms of awareness campaigns. Though I concede that it might be difficult to reach almost every obese child, it can yield fruitful result. In conclusion, chubby children can be encouraged through many ways to control their obese, exercising at schools and doing sports activity is one of the ways in them. Even I would argue that schools, parents, and the government can work together to address the problem.
Childhood obesity, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, has become a huge issue, and it should
be controlled
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
effectively
regulate this problem with increasing sports and exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
however
, I do not consider that it is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to tackle the problem.

On the one hand, educational institutions can allocate extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their timetable for sports and exercise, which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
obese children to participate in these physical activities
Possible spelling mistake found.
formore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
under the supervision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
staff. If students spend 1or 2 hours to perform a physical workout in groups with their peers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, they are more likely to find engaging in it.
Consequently
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spend on physical exercise at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, more likelihood to burn calories
easily
.

However
, despite exercising at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can be beneficial for losing weight, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to solve the obesity issue. They are
also
equally
effective for controlling young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's weights.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should educate their pupils about healthy eating routines, and health issues to be overweight such as diabetes.
Furthermore
, parents have a significant role in their children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
weight. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
tend to eat one or two meals at home, and family can
closely
monitor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
dietary habits.
Therefore
, they ought to motivate him or her when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
making healthy eating food choices.
Also
, I believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
overweight in terms of awareness campaigns. Though I concede that it might be difficult to reach almost every obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, it can yield fruitful result.

In conclusion
, chubby children can
be encouraged
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to control their obese, exercising at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and doing sports activity is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
in them. Even I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, parents, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can work together to address the problem.
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IELTS essay Q----The amount of time spend on sport exercise should be increased at schools in order to tackle the obesity problem. Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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