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Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game. yXGel
One of the largest consumer-driven industries in the market today is what we call popular sports. The most popular sportsmen and women today get into million and dollars of contract in which for some people may find it to be unwarranted as it actually defeats the actual purpose of sports. But in my opinion, I think the involvement of million-dollar contracts should not be seen as an issue for some of the reasons that I will point out below. First, the sports industry is largely a consumer industry that needs to rake in big bucks. And for them to do that they need to entice the most promising players to sign on their team and the most popular players to be on their team. For example, the late Kobe Bryant was one of the highest-paid athletes in the world. The day he got drafted to join the Los Angeles Lakers it was one of the biggest contracts ever made in sports history. They knew the value Kobe would bring to the Lakers, and with that comes the endorsement deals he was able to close which generated income not only for the brand that he was endorsing or the team he was playing for but also for the industry that he was a big part of. With this, he is saving the sports industry from collapsing as he is bringing in money, thus saving people from losing their jobs. Next is that most elite players and the name that they attach to the sports they play brings appreciation for both fan and non-fans alike. I myself was never a big fan of basketball but upon hearing the things that the late Kobe Bryant or even Lebron James has done beyond the courts they play in I came to appreciate the sports they play and the image that they built. For example, launching academies to help underprivileged children and offering basketball scholarships to kids who have potentials. Yes, it really does defeat the purpose of an actual game but in a good way. And last, most of the popular players today become role models for a lot of people. Some stories I have heard or seen on the news was that sports saved their life and their role models, the popular athletes, played a big part in that. They have become an inspiration to fans and non-fans that they to can achieve anything with hard work and dedication. Overall, I think the million-dollar contracts are justified in a way because we can see the overall impact these popular players bring, not only for the people that appreciate the sport but it goes far beyond reaching the four walls of the stadium or courts they play.
One of the largest consumer-driven
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industries
in the market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is what we call
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popular
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sports
. The most
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popular
sportsmen and women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
and dollars of
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contract
in which for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may find it to
be unwarranted
as it actually defeats the actual purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the involvement of million-dollar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contracts
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an issue for
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons that I will point out below.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
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industry
is
largely
a consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
that needs to rake in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
bucks. And for them to do that they need to entice the most promising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
on their team and the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to be on their team.
For example
, the late Kobe Bryant was one of the highest-paid athletes in the world. The day he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
drafted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the Los Angeles Lakers it was one of the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contracts
ever made in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
history. They knew the value Kobe would bring to the Lakers, and with that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the endorsement deals he was able to close which generated income not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the brand that he was endorsing or the team he was playing for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
that he was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
part of. With this, he is saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
from collapsing as he is bringing in money,
thus
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from losing their jobs.

Next
is that most elite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and the name that they attach to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
brings appreciation for both fan and non-fans alike. I myself was never a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
fan of basketball
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
upon hearing the things that the late Kobe Bryant or even
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lebron
James has done beyond the courts they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
in I came to appreciate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
and the image that they built.
For example
, launching academies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
underprivileged children and offering basketball scholarships to kids who have potentials. Yes, it
really
does defeat the purpose of an actual game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.

And last, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
become role models for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
stories I have heard or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on the news was that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
saved their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
and their role models, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
athletes, played a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
part in that. They have become an inspiration to fans and non-fans that they to can achieve anything with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication.

Overall
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the million-dollar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contracts
are justified
in a way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
overall
impact these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
bring, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that appreciate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it goes far beyond reaching the four walls of the stadium or courts they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
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IELTS essay Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today. The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars. Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
453 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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