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Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

I am strongly convinced, that international famous of offers such as football world cup or Olympic games are very important part to improve nation's friendship and people's love to another countries and also other people in the peaceful intention. Firstly, I must admit that every country, Every Nation cannot exist without help and love, friendship of the other countries. So we can improve and extend our peace, friendship with helping and loving and other people. Of course Olympic games are very important to international relationship. Because it is meeting and greeting plenty countries in a safe way. Also these competitions are very useful to strengthen our relation and it is not a way to show which country or which nation is better and stronger than others. For example, example also Olympic games while war time in ancient history of Greece polises. You know what time they will have to stop any military purposes and start training to Olympic games. Immediately, games were very effective to supply a piece, because everyone wanted a friendship. Obviously, that was an easier to solving problems and tensions between where is nationality of people. In another way, I must underlined that we didn't have Olympic games while a second world war. So I suppose that there were very cruel conditions to participate in Olympics or certainly to organize games like this, in what time. Also we can talk about football championship. We know that there was Olympic games approximately in 1938 in Germany. So Germans wanted to show, Jose are strong and better than other nations. I think it was a big mistake, cuz we will leave together and solve our problems concerted. In conclusion, I am certain that Olympic games or any competitions in a peaceful way are very necessary over the world countries to preserve our lives and provide a friendship to the next generations.
I am
strongly
convinced, that international
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
of offers such as football world cup or Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the peaceful intention.
Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, Every Nation cannot exist without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and extend our peace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
with helping and loving and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Of course
Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to international relationship.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it is meeting and greeting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Consider replacing this phrase with the adverb “safely” to avoid wordiness.
in a safe way
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
these competitions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful to strengthen our
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
relation and
it is not a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or which nation is better and stronger than others.
For example
, example
also
Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
while
This word is normally spelled as one.
war time
in ancient history of Greece
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “poles”, the plural form of the noun ‘polis’?
polises
. You know what time they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
any military purposes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
training to Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Immediately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective to supply a piece,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone wanted a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
.
Obviously
, that was an easier to solving problems and tensions between where is nationality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In another way, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
The modal verb ‘must’ requires the verb’s base form.
underlined
that we didn't have Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
while a second world war.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I suppose that there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cruel conditions to participate in Olympics or
certainly
to organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like this, in what time.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
we can talk about football championship. We know that there was Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
approximately in 1938 in Germany.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Germans wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, Jose are strong and better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
mistake,
Possible spelling mistake found.
cuz
we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
together and solve our problems concerted.
In conclusion
, I am certain that Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or any competitions
Consider replacing this phrase with the adverb “peacefully” to avoid wordiness.
in a peaceful way
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary over the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to preserve our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
to the
next
generations.
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IELTS essay Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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