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People who were in prison have become good citizens now. Some people think they are the best people to talk to school students on the dangers of committing crimes. Do you agree or disagree?

People who were in prison have become good citizens now. Some people think they are the best people to talk to school students on the dangers of committing crimes. r6p22
Traditionally, the prison is were people who commit crimes are sent to and tortured. Some prisoners tend to repent and become good citizens while others don’t that’s why think the might be of good choice to speak to the students about the dangers of committing crimes, but I disagree with that motion. Firstly, leadership by example, for instance, to be a good parent you will need to act good and respectful because your children do follow in your footsteps. Like, when one commands a crowd to go for war he or she needs to be a brave warrior in other to give that command, for example, a normal civilian has no ability to command an army. Just like in the aspect of an ex criminal, in other to make your student respect and repent from there bad ways you should show capabilities of you repenting of yours. Secondly, lack trust, this is one major aspect between people and crime offenders. For the fact that he has broken the law that trust from people won’t be there anymore because people will have some mixed feelings, a law breaker preaching about evil? It makes no sense. Furthermore, when something goes on in the community like stealing or killing they might be blamed and also be a prime suspect to the society. Thirdly, it is more important to find people with no records of offense like the reverends and pastors to help in condoning our students from there wrong ways, when one is of good it actually rubs off to others and vise versa. There will be a strong trust circle because the are seen as saints and people would consider wishing to be like them likewise that of a criminal. For instance, when a reverend commands a crowd the listen and respect that than when an offender would. Fourthly, in 1987, a group of students from the maradonna university where assembled in an association in other to be taught about the consequences of life by someone who got released from cell and that didn’t go well, the weren’t motivated by his speech because the illustration of him being a theif has already been registered in there brains so when his seen by them they assume he isn’t of any good, and there isn’t any difference between them. In conclusion, using a prisoner as a teacher to youngsters will rather increase their wrong ways instead of decreasing. Humans have a nature of doubting so they want to experience it to see if it’s true or not.
Traditionally
, the prison is
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who commit crimes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to and tortured.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
prisoners tend to repent and become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
citizens while others don’t that’s why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the might be of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
choice to speak to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of committing crimes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I disagree with that motion.

Firstly
, leadership by example,
for instance
, to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
parent you will need to act
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and respectful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
your children do follow in your footsteps. Like, when one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commands
a crowd to go for war he or she needs to be a brave warrior in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to give that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
command
,
for example
, a normal civilian has no ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
command
an army.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like in the aspect of an ex criminal, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
respect and repent from there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ways you should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
capabilities of you repenting of yours.

Secondly
, lack trust, this is one major aspect between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and crime offenders. For the fact that he has broken the law that trust from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
won’t be there anymore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mixed feelings, a law breaker preaching about evil? It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
no sense.
Furthermore
, when something goes on in the community like stealing or killing they might
be blamed
and
also
be a prime suspect to the society.

Thirdly
, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with no records of offense like the reverends and pastors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in condoning our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
ways, when one is of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
it actually rubs off to others and vise versa. There will be a strong trust circle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean "they are" or "there are"?
the are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as saints and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would consider wishing to be like them
likewise
that of a criminal.
For instance
, when a reverend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commands
a crowd the listen and respect that than when an offender would.

Fourthly
, in 1987, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
maradonna
university where assembled in an association in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to
be taught
about the consequences of life by someone who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
released from cell and that didn’t go well, the weren’t motivated by his speech
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the illustration of him being a
Possible spelling mistake found.
theif
has already
been registered
in
Did you mean "their"?
there
brains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by them they assume he isn’t of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
, and there isn’t any difference between them.

In conclusion
, using a prisoner as a teacher to youngsters will
rather
increase their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
ways
instead
of decreasing. Humans have a nature of doubting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they want to experience it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if it’s true or not.
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IELTS essay People who were in prison have become good citizens now. Some people think they are the best people to talk to school students on the dangers of committing crimes.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
423 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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