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People today get less sleep than in the past. What is the cause of this? What are the possible effects of this development?

People today get less sleep than in the past. What is the cause of this? What are the possible effects of this development? 58am
There is no denying the fact that people these days sleep less than they used to. This essay will take a deep dive into the main reasons that lead to the phenomenon and its potential consequences in several aspects. The causes of sleep decline are innumerable. One of the most compelling reasons is technological developments. Unprecedented advances in technology, namely the flourish of the Internet and telecommunication services in The Industrial Revolution 4. 0 have led to a surge in screen time on technological devices such as smartphones, laptops, etc. The use of electronic devices for social networking, entertaining before sleeping excites our brain and nervous system, causing it hard to fall asleep. Another factor that causes the lack of sleep is a term called “revenge bedtime procrastination”, which happened almost in overworked people. After a long day stressed and busy with daily work, these people tend to trade off their bedtime to reclaim some hours of scrolling through social media or relaxing with movies and music and misspent precious sleep time. Lack of sleep results in ripple outcomes in several aspects, especially health, productivity and workplace accidents. Sleep deprivation lowers the activity of the Immune system and prevents it from defending against diseases. As an example, various researches have shown that people who had sleep shortage were more likely to have diabetes, obesity, depression, and asthma than those whose bedtime is steady. Besides health problems, lack of sleep also decreases productivity and causes unfortunate accidents. According to the National Sleep Foundation, sleep deprivation increases workplace accidents to 70%. To conclude, there are numerous causes of sleep shortage, but technological development and bedtime procrastination are the most common factors that lead to the phenomenon. Sleep deprivation, hence, can negatively affect both personal life and daily work.
There is no denying the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
less than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. This essay will take a deep dive into the main reasons that lead to the phenomenon and its potential consequences in several aspects.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
decline are innumerable. One of the most compelling reasons is technological developments. Unprecedented advances in technology,
namely
the flourish of the Internet and telecommunication services in The Industrial Revolution 4. 0 have led to a surge in screen time on technological devices such as smartphones, laptops, etc. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic devices for social networking, entertaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
sleeping excites our brain and nervous system, causing it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to fall asleep. Another factor that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is a term called “revenge bedtime procrastination”, which happened almost in overworked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. After a long day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and busy with daily work, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to trade off their bedtime to reclaim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hours of scrolling through social media or relaxing with movies and music and misspent precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
time.

Lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
results in ripple outcomes in several aspects,
especially
health, productivity and workplace accidents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sleep
deprivation lowers the activity of the Immune system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
it from defending against diseases. As an example, various researches have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
shortage were more likely to have diabetes, obesity, depression, and asthma than those whose bedtime is steady.
Besides
health problems, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
also
decreases productivity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
unfortunate accidents. According to the National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sleep
Foundation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
deprivation increases workplace accidents to 70%.

To conclude
, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
shortage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
technological development and bedtime procrastination are the most common factors that lead to the phenomenon.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sleep
deprivation,
hence
, can
negatively
affect both personal life and daily work.
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IELTS essay People today get less sleep than in the past. What is the cause of this? What are the possible effects of this development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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