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People shopping habits depend more on their age group they belong to than any other factors? do you agree and disagree?

People shopping habits depend more on their age group they belong to than any other factors? do you agree and disagree? QeaL
One of the most conspicuous trends today's world is a sheer upsurge in number of people believing that no doubt, only age group influences people's shopping habits instead of other aspects. I disagree with this statement up to large extent. To commence with, there are multifarious argument in a favour of shopping attitudes respective of age group has considerable acceptance because of some elements as youngster are more fascinated to buy techo-savy gudgets including mobile, airports, laptop and so on, while old people buy that things which are necessary. Meanwhile, children have a lot of shopping options, such as toys and video games, they are interested in buying which are easily available to them; Therefore, age does affect shopping habits. Empirical observation suggests that shopping habits depend on various other factor. Firstly is financial gap in which people belong to different classes such as rich, poor and middle class. They have different choice due to disimilar income levels so people buy things according to their budgets. Moreover, some people not only live simple but also buying necessary things. The another considerable aspects is psychological it shows that middle class people like to purchase all branded things only to show off, because they want become equal to rich people. To conclude, although shopping habits depend on age, its other factor which contribute in it including income gap are inevitable.
One of the most conspicuous trends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is a sheer upsurge in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believing that no doubt,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group influences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
instead
of other aspects. I disagree with this statement up to large extent. To commence with, there are multifarious argument in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
attitudes respective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group has considerable acceptance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elements as youngster are more fascinated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Possible spelling mistake found.
techo-savy
Possible spelling mistake found.
gudgets
including mobile, airports, laptop and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that things which are necessary. Meanwhile, children have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
options, such as toys and video games, they
are interested
in buying which are
easily
available to them;
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
does affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
. Empirical observation suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
depend on various other factor.
Firstly
is financial gap in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
belong to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
classes such as rich, poor and middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. They have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choice due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
disimilar
income levels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things according to their budgets.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
simple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
buying necessary things. The another considerable aspects is psychological it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
all branded things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Probably a preposition is missing after 'want'.
want become
equal to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, its other factor which contribute in it including income gap are inevitable.
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IELTS essay People shopping habits depend more on their age group they belong to than any other factors? do you agree and disagree?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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