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people nowadays are more and more depending on each individual

people nowadays are more and more depending on each individual 0wYDn
It is argued that people nowadays are more and more depending on each individual, while others disagree with that statement. From my perspective, I agree with the latter opinion. Admittedly, there are some reasons to insist that people are more reliant on each other in the current world. First of all, due to globalization, our jobs are becoming more complicated than in the past years, which encourages us to cooperate and coordinate among various things. To illustrate this point, recent studies show that collaboration brings many benefits, ranging from time-saving to cost-efficiency. Secondly, technology has influenced most human activities such as laundry or even cooking. As a result, people need to depend on specialist technicians in each area to address their issues. However, I lean toward the opinion that people are less reliant on others. The key reason is that people nowadays have more freedom in their study or work, especially the young people. For example, the majority of students are choosing to study abroad rather than go to local universities, which helps them be more independent as they have to learn to live alone. Moreover, some individuals are also doing part-time jobs during their studies. This helps them develop economical skills so that they do not need to depend on their parents. In addition, thanks to the great popularity of the internet, people can easily find the way to solve their problems without any help. In conclusion, by considering the arguments from boths sides, I believe that people have become more independent, in spite of their dependence on others in certain aspects.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are more and more depending on each individual, while others disagree with that statement. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter opinion.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to insist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more reliant on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, due to globalization, our jobs are becoming more complicated than in the past years, which encourages us to cooperate and coordinate among various things. To illustrate this point, recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that collaboration brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, ranging from time-saving to cost-efficiency.
Secondly
, technology has influenced most human activities such as laundry or even cooking.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to depend on specialist technicians in each area to address their issues.

However
, I lean toward the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less reliant on others. The key reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have more freedom in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
or work,
especially
the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, the majority of students are choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
abroad
rather
than go to local universities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them be more independent as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are
also
doing part-time jobs during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them develop economical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not need to depend on their parents.
In addition
, thanks to the great popularity of the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
find the way to solve their problems without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

In conclusion
, by considering the arguments from
Possible spelling mistake found.
boths
sides, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more independent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
their dependence on others in certain aspects.
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IELTS essay people nowadays are more and more depending on each individual

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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