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People emphasizing government to build an advanced transport system rather new road for vehicles that are overcrowding the cities. Do you agree or disagree?

People emphasizing government to build an advanced transport system rather new road for vehicles that are overcrowding the cities. JoY0B
Nowadays we can see that the biggest cities around the world are getting crowded. Too much traffic to deal with is disturbing the population. In my opinion, a very efficient method to solve population's problems would be to develop adavanced transport systems. Building a new road is not apt to do so. It would bring chaos for cities that are already overcrowded. I remember some years ago when I was living in a big city. I had to commute by car. Government had built new roads at that time. At the begining was ok the development of such roads, however as soon as vehicles started using them the city got chaos. Therefore, it was almost impossible to move around the city. Advanced transport system is one the best way to solve cities traffic. It is a win-win for either population and government. It may come through subways as we can find in Japan. In Japan, there is a very efficient train system. The trains arrive in time and are very fast. It is said that japanese use only trains to commute. In addition, building an advanced transport system would make people's life easier. Finally, not only building advanced transport systems would bring peace to population but also, would it make people's life better.
Nowadays we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
around the world are getting crowded. Too much traffic to deal with is disturbing the population. In my opinion, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficient method to solve population's problems would be to develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
adavanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
systems.

Building a new road is not apt to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. It would bring chaos for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that are already overcrowded. I remember
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years ago when I was living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city. I had to commute by car.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
had built new roads at that time. At the
Possible spelling mistake found.
begining
was ok the development of such roads,
however
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using them the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
chaos.
Therefore
, it was almost impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around the city.

Advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the best way to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
traffic. It is a win-win for either population and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. It may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
through subways as we can find in Japan. In Japan, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficient train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. The trains arrive in time and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. It
is said
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
trains to commute.
In addition
, building an advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life easier.

Finally
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
building advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
would bring peace to population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, would it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life better.

IELTS essay People emphasizing government to build an advanced transport system rather new road for vehicles that are overcrowding the cities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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