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Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. m11O1
Parents want their children to pay more attention to sports activities and spend less time in their education sector. In my opinion, I agree that physical activities will teach more skills and techniques compared to education everywhere. A good reason for physical activities is the need for mentally and physical growth of the children. Sports activities will teach various skills. For example, if children play kabaddi that kabaddi is to it improves their teamwork techniques and can be used use it further in life like the job sector. In addition, some sports implement individual skills and are also useful for mind development. Nowadays, the world is arranging more sporting activities competition, therefore, many children can go up and make their beautiful career. For instance, at present time India arranges more events instead of before, so it is a big opportunity for the country’s youth. Another point to consider is that sports activities can control the country’s unemployment that it has benefits for nations. To illustrate, children should get divided in two sectors like one is education and another one is sports that increase opportunities for both types of children. Furthermore, many times children tend to spend the majority of their time watching television programmes or online streaming platforms for entertainment so children make themselves more lazy instead of in the past. At present time, many children like virtual games. Online gaming has a big impact on children's minds and their eyes. For example, at a moment according to researchers 80% children are wasting their golden time behind online games like Pubg. In conclusion, parents should encourage their children to participate in particities sports competitions and increase their individual skills like teamwork, leadership and many more.
Parents want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to pay more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their education sector. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will teach more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and techniques compared to education everywhere.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason for physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is the need for mentally and physical growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will teach various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play
Possible spelling mistake found.
kabaddi
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
kabaddi
is to it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their teamwork techniques and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
further
in life like the job sector.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
implement individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and are
also
useful for mind development. Nowadays, the world is arranging more sporting
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "activities'" or "activity's"?
activities
competition,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can go up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
career.
For instance
, at present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
India arranges more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
opportunity for the country’s youth.

Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can control the country’s unemployment that it has benefits for nations. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
divided in two sectors like one is education and another one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that increase opportunities for both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to spend the majority of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
or online streaming platforms for entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves more lazy
instead
of in the past. At present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like virtual games. Online gaming has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
impact on children's minds and their eyes.
For example
, at a moment according to researchers 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are wasting their golden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
behind online games like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pubg
.

In conclusion
, parents should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
particities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions and increase their individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like teamwork, leadership and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
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IELTS essay Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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