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Ordinary people try to copy famous people either reading magazines or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people?

Ordinary people try to copy famous people either reading magazines or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people? plL2
Nowadays, the majority of common people seek to imitate famous people's lifestyles through reading fashion magazines or watching television. Although some might and consider it positive development; however, I believe this trend to be negative. Not only because this trend encourages unnecessary spending and has an adverse impact on ordinary people's health, but also because it brings only temporary satisfaction and happiness in the life of common people. This essay will explore how these factors make this development a negative one. There are multiple reasons behind this statement. Firstly, the factor that compelled me to consider it negative is unnecessary spending. As ordinary people start spending money on luxury items despite the fact they are not in a position to afford it or that income could have been saved for the future, but they continue to spend only to adopt the same lifestyle of celebrities which encourages unnecessary spending. Take an example of Thailand, where a 30% increased in spending of their population has been attributed to emulate the living pattern of Hollywood celebrities. Thus, imitating the fashion and living style of famous people provoke superfluous spending in some parts of the world. Secondly, apart from inessential spending, another leading factor is that this trend has an adverse impact on common people's health system. As ordinary men are attracted to famous people lifestyle. They start to consume drugs and alcohol because these are quite popular habits of celebrities. For instance, research carried out in Brazil, a rising economy in South America, revealed that 20% of youngsters of their population have addicted to drugs, which is a major cause of cancer disease. Hence, following the famous people's lifestyle has a severe impact on common people's health. Finally, this development is a negative one. As it can bring only temporary happiness, which lasts only a few weeks or months. Ordinary people should live their life according to their own values and principles. To sum-up, I believe to emulate the lifestyle of famous people is a negative development. Not only because it is temporary joy and has severe health problems, but also because it encourages unnecessary spending.
Nowadays, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seek to imitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
through reading fashion magazines or watching television. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might and consider it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
;
however
, I believe this trend to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
. Not
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only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this trend encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
and has an adverse impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
temporary satisfaction and happiness in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will explore how these factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
one.

There are multiple reasons behind this statement.
Firstly
, the factor that compelled me to consider it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
money on luxury items despite the fact they are not in a position to afford it or that income could have
been saved
for the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they continue to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to adopt the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of celebrities which encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
. Take an example of Thailand, where a 30% increased in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
of their population has
been attributed
to emulate the living pattern of Hollywood celebrities.
Thus
, imitating the fashion and living style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
provoke superfluous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world.

Secondly
, apart from inessential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
, another leading factor is that this trend has an adverse impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
health system.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
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ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are attracted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to consume drugs and alcohol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are quite popular habits of celebrities.
For instance
, research carried out in Brazil, a rising economy in South America, revealed that 20% of youngsters of their population have addicted to drugs, which is a major cause of cancer disease.
Hence
, following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has a severe impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
health.

Finally
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
one. As it can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
temporary happiness, which lasts
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only
a few weeks or months.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
values and principles.

To sum-up, I believe to emulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is temporary joy and has severe health problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
.
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IELTS essay Ordinary people try to copy famous people either reading magazines or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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