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online shopping has become these days. What are advantages and disadvantages?

online shopping has become these days. What are advantages and disadvantages? OVEw7
The inclining development of technology leads to the easiness of mobility in fulfilling human's daily needs, including the change of traditional shopping into online shopping. Regardless of the preference of people, I believe that there are pluses and minuses in buying stuff in the online shop. First of all, the efficiency of time and energy and the accessibility of buying goods in far places become the two most obvious reasons for people in choosing online shopping. Nowadays, people, especially those living in a big city, get busier at work and get tired of going to some places due to the inclining traffic jam. By online shopping, people can consider to buy something while they are working, thereby increasing the tendency of online shopping. Moreover, people living in countryside and having more difficulties in accessing mall and department store, are able to explore all items from various regions without taking more energy and time in visiting the real store. However, nonconformity between the picture and the real things becomes the most worried thing for people in buying online. Oftentimes, in displaying stuff by a picture, the seller will try to edit the picture to interest their customers to buy. Even, they will fake the stuff they sell with the displayed ones to get more economical benefits. For example, when buying a dress, what comes to their house can be smaller size or worse quality than what they look at the display. This lead to a fraud and frequently make people disappointed due to the unsuitable fact with their expectation. In overview, I believe that online shopping gives more benefits for those with the busy life. Nevertheless, the increasing demand of online shop cause the rising fake online shop. Therefore, people have to be smart and think wisely before deciding to buy something expensive.
The inclining development of technology leads to the easiness of mobility in fulfilling human's daily needs, including the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Regardless of the preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe that there are pluses and minuses in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
stuff in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shop.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the efficiency of time and energy and the accessibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in far places become the two most obvious reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
those living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
busier at work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired of going to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places due to the inclining traffic jam. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can consider to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something while they are working, thereby increasing the tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in countryside and having more difficulties in accessing mall and department store, are able to explore all items from various regions without taking more energy and time in visiting the real store.

However
, nonconformity between the picture and the real things becomes the most worried thing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Oftentimes, in displaying stuff by a picture, the seller will try to edit the picture to interest their customers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. Even, they will fake the stuff they sell with the displayed ones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
benefits.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
a dress, what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
can be smaller size or worse quality than what they look at the display. This lead to a fraud and
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disappointed due to the unsuitable fact with their expectation.

In overview, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
gives more benefits for those with the busy life.
Nevertheless
, the increasing demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shop cause the rising fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shop.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be smart and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
wisely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something expensive.
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IELTS essay online shopping has become these days. What are advantages and disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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