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Nowadays, customers are facing the advertisement with the competition of different companies. To what extent do you think customers are influenced by advertisement and what measures must be taken to protect them?

Nowadays, customers are facing the advertisement with the competition of different companies. jRQDw
We have witnessed many customers who are facing various kinds of advertisements from different companies. In my perspective, I think that some protection should be measured to protect customers. I am not sure as whether customers are influenced by advertisement. On the one hand, commercial advertisements are elaborately produced to captivate attention of customers. By intentionally exaggerating the products, manufactures seldom fail to attract customers. As a result, customers, lured by advertising campaigns, are tend to purchase the products which are completely different from advertisements. On the other hand, some customers are able to judge whether the advertisements are telling the truth or not. Having received tertiary education, university graduates are clearly know that junk food are not health and can significantly increase the risk of developing disease. Consequently, they would definitely not eat junk food such as fried potato chips, as a regular part of food in their lives. Fortunately, the government and media companies can protect customers. To begin with, the government should impose harsh penalties manufactures who deceive customers. The enactment law and the enforcement law are certainly serve some purposes because they have deterrent effects. In order not to be fined by the government, manufactures will carefully consider the potential costs of delivering misleading information to customers. Apart from this, media companies should fulfill their social responsibility by unveiling the illegal acts of manufactures. Media companies news are powerful and convincing, therefore it can surely force the manufactures to deter irresponsibility practices. Customers will query their integrity once the scandals disclosed to the public. In conclusion, the government and media companies are in the best position to shield customers from influenced of advertisement
We have witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
who are facing various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. In my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
protection should
be measured
to protect customers.

I am not sure as whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
are influenced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. On the one hand, commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
elaborately
produced to captivate attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
. By
intentionally
exaggerating the products, manufactures seldom fail to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
, lured by advertising campaigns, are
Consider using a past participle here: "tended".
tend
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the products which are completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
are able to judge whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are telling the truth or not. Having received tertiary education, university graduates are
clearly
Consider using a past participle here: "known".
know
that junk food are not health and can
significantly
increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing disease.
Consequently
, they would definitely not eat junk food such as fried potato chips, as a regular part of food in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Fortunately
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should impose harsh penalties manufactures who deceive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
. The enactment law and the enforcement law are
certainly
Consider using a past participle here: "served".
serve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have deterrent effects. In order not to
be fined
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, manufactures will
carefully
consider the potential costs of delivering misleading information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should fulfill their social responsibility by unveiling the illegal acts of manufactures.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "companies'" or "company's"?
companies
news are powerful and convincing,
therefore
it can
surely
force the manufactures to deter irresponsibility practices.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Customers
will query their integrity once the scandals disclosed to the public.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are in the best position to shield
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
from influenced of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
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IELTS essay Nowadays, customers are facing the advertisement with the competition of different companies.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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