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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.Do you think that the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think that the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Nanj
Nowadays, the advanced in medicine and care technology has led to an increase in life expectancy, and as a result people live longer than their grandparents did. This essay will argue that living long years due to the benefits of medical technology offset the drawbacks entailed by this state of affair. As it allow old people to spend more time with their beloved ones, in addition to provide a great help and lessen their suffering in case of sickness. One commonly held disadvantage of improved health system related to the increase of life expectancy is the great number of elderly citizens, and by consequence less active worker who contribute actively in the growth of the econmy of the countty. As huge funding will be allocated to pay retirement pension. Despite this, there a number of significant benefits to having a developed medical system that allow people to live longer than usual. First of all, old people will have the chance to see their children, grandchildren and even their great grandchildren growing up, and so they could enjoy their company much longer. This help to create more social connections and it will permet youngsters to learn from their seniors experiences. Furthermore, a highly developed care system can improve the quality of life of this "growing " social category of citizens, by guaranteeing less suffering in case of illeness. For instance, having a highly medicalized geriatric department in every hospital help to assure a good medical care to senior patients. To sum up, although there are drawbacks to having advanced medical care that extend people life, it is clear that developed medicine can make social eldery' life more enjoyable by spending more time with their families in great health condition. On balance, I could argue that improved life expectancy due to medical advanced care has both social and medical benefits to elderies in all countries.
Nowadays, the advanced in medicine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
technology has led to an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy, and
as a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than their grandparents did. This essay will argue that living long years due to the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
technology offset the drawbacks entailed by this state of affair. As it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend more time with their beloved ones,
in addition
to provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and lessen their suffering in case of sickness.

One
commonly
held disadvantage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
health system related to the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
number of elderly citizens, and by consequence less active worker who contribute
actively
in the growth of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
econmy
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
countty
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
huge funding will
be allocated
to pay retirement pension.

Despite this, there a number of significant benefits to having a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
system that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than usual.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their children, grandchildren and even their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
grandchildren growing up, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
much longer. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
connections and it will
Possible spelling mistake found.
permet
youngsters to learn from their seniors experiences.

Furthermore
, a
highly
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
system can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of this
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
growing
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
category of citizens, by guaranteeing less suffering in case of
Possible spelling mistake found.
illeness
.
For instance
, having a
highly
medicalized geriatric department in every hospital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to assure a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to senior patients.

To sum up, although there are drawbacks to having advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
that extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that developed medicine can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake found.
eldery
'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more enjoyable by spending more time with their families in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
health condition. On balance, I could argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
has both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
benefits to
Possible spelling mistake found.
elderies
in all countries.
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IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think that the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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