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ommunication via cyberspace makes it impossible to form long-term relationships

ommunication via cyberspace makes it impossible to form long-term relationships xxoVg
There are numerous reasons why communication via cyberspace makes it impossible to form long-term relationships. Firstly, talking through the use of virtual worlds limits the expression of feelings for friends. People can indeed share their feelings through written language when texting or calling, as opposed to face-to-face interaction. As a result, their buddy is unable to discern the other's mood. For example, two online friends can only interact with one using video calling and can only see each other on the phone screen. It is completely obvious that this friendship will not last as long as that of two people who meet in real life on a daily basis. Secondly, conversation through the virtual network is insecure. Everybody can experience a variety of issues, including broken phones, unstable internet connections, and even hacked social media accounts. As a result, those friends may not get in touch for a time, and one‘s feelings will no longer be close. Furthermore, if one of them is experiencing mental distress, they would be unable to help. When communicating online, instead of hugging and comforting their friend, they can only send words of encouragement and cannot take any real action. This makes it impossible for them to spend time together, and there is no trust or reliance on their friend. In short, connecting by virtual networks will not result in a good long-distance relationship as much as communicating and meeting each other on a continuous basis.
There are numerous reasons why communication via cyberspace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it impossible to form long-term relationships.
Firstly
, talking through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of virtual worlds limits the expression of feelings for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
indeed
share their feelings through written language when texting or calling, as opposed to face-to-face interaction.
As a result
, their buddy is unable to discern the other's mood.
For example
, two online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
interact with one using video calling and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each other on the phone screen. It is completely obvious that this friendship will not last as long as that of two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in real life on a daily basis.
Secondly
, conversation through the virtual network is insecure. Everybody can experience a variety of issues, including broken phones, unstable internet connections, and even hacked social media accounts.
As a result
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch for a time, and one‘s feelings will no longer be close.
Furthermore
, if one of them is experiencing mental distress, they would be unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. When communicating online,
instead
of hugging and comforting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
words of encouragement and cannot take any real action. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it impossible for them to spend time together, and there is no trust or reliance on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
. In short, connecting by virtual networks will not result in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
long-distance relationship as much as communicating and meeting each other on a continuous basis.
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IELTS essay ommunication via cyberspace makes it impossible to form long-term relationships

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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