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Nowdays the information about the celebrities are available on newspaper, magazines,social media. Why this is happening? The causes of this on society?

Nowdays the information about the celebrities are available on newspaper, magazines, social media. Why this is happening? The causes of this on society? KyW6k
No one can deny that the social media is blooming day by day. Therefore in public platforms such as newspaper, magazines and on internet the knowledge about the eminent individuals are available. Despites there are many reasons why this is going on and also some demerits for the society that will be discussed in this essay. To commence with, there are numerous reasons for this. The prominent one, nowdays because of the incline use of social media the craze for the know more about the famous people is also increasing. The massas post the personal information of them on internet without know the effect of it. Adding more, many television channels want to increase the TRP so to do this they just show wrong picture on television. Moving on, sometimes the celebrities also post the information about themselves on social media which anyone can use it. Moving forward, there are multifarious drawbacks of this. First and foremost, the popularity of eminent people in youth is far more than on other ages. They just want to look like their role model. So they follow the style and fashion of them but also youth spend a lot of money on this things and become extravagant. Furthermore, in this modern era the controversy between celebrities is common but such controversy result in conflicts between massas. To sum up, the celebrities are the role model for the youth. They can share good things on social media so the youngster follow it
No one can deny that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is blooming day by day.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
in public platforms such as newspaper, magazines and on internet the knowledge about the eminent individuals are available.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Despites
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why this is going on and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits for the society that will
be discussed
in this essay.

To commence with, there are numerous reasons for this. The prominent one,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowdays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the incline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
the craze for the know more about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
also
increasing. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
massas
post the personal information of them on internet without know the effect of it. Adding more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
television channels want to increase the TRP
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to do this they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
picture on television. Moving on,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the celebrities
also
post the information about themselves on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
which anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.

Moving forward, there are multifarious drawbacks of this.
First
and foremost, the popularity of eminent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in youth is far more than on other ages. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to look like their role model.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they follow the style and fashion of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
youth spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money on
Did you mean "these"?
this
things and become extravagant.
Furthermore
, in this modern era the controversy between celebrities is common
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
such controversy result in conflicts between
Possible spelling mistake found.
massas
.

To sum up, the celebrities are the role model for the youth. They can share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the youngster follow
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
it
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IELTS essay Nowdays the information about the celebrities are available on newspaper, magazines, social media. Why this is happening? The causes of this on society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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