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Nowadays young people watch too much violent programs and are exposed to a great deal of negative news. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays young people watch too much violent programs and are exposed to a great deal of negative news. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. E35Mq
foreign countries have become increasingly popular with students for tertiary education in recent years. From my perspective, this development has both advantages and disadvantages. * *On the one hand, pursuing foreign education may be challenging for several reasons. First of all, the main drawback of studying overseas is language barriers. The reasons lie in the fact that overseas undergraduates has to use a foreign language in studying and living, which can be a significant challenge for people who are not competent enough to speak the host country's language almost every time. Furthermore, studying abroad can make students suffer from culture shock or homesickness, which is because living by unfamiliar norms in a strange country without help from parents is not easy for most overseas undergraduates, especially when they also have to undergo extreme academic pressure. As a result, it is difficult for them to have a good academic performance in a foreign university. * *On the other hand, studying abroad brings a vast number of considerable benefits. Firstly, pursuing tertiary schooling abroad can allow scholars to experience advanced teaching facilities and environments. For this reason, overseas undergraduates can have in-depth knowledge of their major without any difficulties. In addition, higher education abroad also provides a great chance for students to learn invaluable skills to assist them in joining the future workforce. For example, an overseas student can become more independent and learn how to balance his budget thanks to not being placed under parental supervision in a foreign country. Besides, studying abroad can help students to expand their international relationship circle. * In a nutshell, while I understand that there are both pros and cons to tertiary schooling abroad, I believe that the benefits can overshadow its drawback for the above-mentioned reasons and studying overseas is a positive development. *
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
foreign
countries have become
increasingly
popular with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for tertiary education in recent years. From my perspective, this development has both advantages and disadvantages. *

*On the one hand, pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
education may be challenging for several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
is language barriers. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
lie in the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
undergraduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
language in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and living, which can be a significant challenge for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are not competent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to speak the host country's language almost every time.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
suffer from culture shock or homesickness, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
living by unfamiliar norms in a strange country without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from parents is not easy for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
undergraduates,
especially
when they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undergo extreme academic pressure.
As a result
, it is difficult for them to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic performance in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
university. *

*
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
brings a vast number of considerable benefits.
Firstly
, pursuing tertiary schooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
scholars to experience advanced teaching facilities and environments. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
undergraduates can have in-depth knowledge of their major without any difficulties.
In addition
, higher education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
also
provides a great chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn invaluable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to assist them in joining the future workforce.
For example
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can become more independent and learn how to balance his budget thanks to not
being placed
under parental supervision in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
country.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to expand their international relationship circle. *

In a nutshell, while I understand that there are both pros and cons to tertiary schooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
, I believe that the benefits can overshadow its drawback for the above-mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development. *
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IELTS essay Nowadays young people watch too much violent programs and are exposed to a great deal of negative news. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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