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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? VBl0J
With the advance of technology in the past decade and the increasing acts of aggression worldwide, it was only a matter of time before technology will be used to monitor people. In the next paragraphs I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of civilians monitoring. The main purpose and biggest advantage of monitoring civilians is getting intelligence of potential terrorism attacks and other acts of violence in advance in order to stop it in time and save lives. Had we had the same technology back in the 90s and it had been used to monitor people worldwide as it is today, we probably could've avoided 9/11 catastrophe altogether and save thousands of innocent people. However, the most obvious disadvantage of this approach is invasion to privacy. Average people that just want to live their lives in peace are constantly being watched and examined. One could say that if you have nothing to hide, why would you care about being monitored? Well, just because I haven't done anything wrong, it doesn't mean I want somebody to know every move I make and may or may not use it against me, which leads me to next disadvantage - misuse of private data. Finally, following the previous disadvantage I mentioned, there is the aspect of data usage. Not only most of us are not even aware we are being watched, but none of us knows who are the men behind the cameras and what are they doing with the information they gathered. For example, during covid 19 pandemic, Israel's government decided to enable cellphone tracking to make sure people who should be quarantined will stay in their homes and to notify civilians in case the were near someone who has covid. A great intention indeed, however, someone decided to use this data for his personal vendetta. A few months after approving cellphone surveillance, I read an article about a women who received at least 3 sms messages from the health care department stating she was around someone who tested positive to covid and should go into lock down for two weeks. Turns out she never was around a sick person and her ex boyfriend, who works in the health department office, used the data he had on her to send her this messages from the health department. To conclude, I think monitoring civilians holds tremendous advantages as long as the collected data is being used only for saving lives, but as long the people who decides what to do with this data are not being monitored themselves by any known human rights organization, this method needs to be promptly stopped.
With the advance of technology in the past decade and the increasing acts of aggression worldwide, it was
only
a matter of time
before
technology will be
used
to monitor
people
. In the
next
paragraphs I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
civilians
monitoring.

The main purpose and biggest advantage of monitoring
civilians
is getting intelligence of potential terrorism attacks and other acts of violence in advance in order to
stop
it in time and save
lives
. Had we had the same technology back in the 90s and it had been
used
to monitor
people
worldwide as it is
today
, we
probably
could've avoided 9/11 catastrophe altogether and save thousands of innocent
people
.

However
, the most obvious
disadvantage
of this approach is invasion to privacy. Average
people
that
just
want to
live
their
lives
in peace are
constantly
being
watched
and examined. One could say that if you have nothing to
hide
, why would you care about
being monitored
? Well,
just
because
I haven't done anything
wrong
, it doesn't mean I want somebody to know every
move
I
make
and may or may not
use
it against me, which leads me to
next
disadvantage
-
misuse of private data.

Finally
, following the previous
disadvantage
I mentioned, there is the aspect of
data
usage. Not
only
most of us are not even aware we are being
watched
,
but
none of us knows
who
are the
men
behind the cameras and what are they doing with the information they gathered.
For example
, during
covid 19
pandemic, Israel's
government
decided to enable cellphone tracking to
make
sure
people
who
should
be quarantined
will stay in their homes and to notify
civilians
in case the were near someone
who
has
covid
. A great intention
indeed
,
however
, someone decided to
use
this
data
for his personal vendetta. A few months after approving cellphone surveillance, I read an article about
a women
who
received at least 3
sms
messages from the health care department stating she was around someone
who
tested
positive
to
covid
and should go into lock down for two weeks. Turns out she
never was
around a sick person and her
ex boyfriend
,
who
works in the health department office,
used
the
data
he had on her to
send
her this messages from the health department.

To conclude
, I
think
monitoring
civilians
holds tremendous advantages as long as the collected
data
is being
used
only
for saving
lives
,
but
as long the
people
who
decides
what to do with this
data
are not
being monitored
themselves by any known human rights organization, this method needs to be
promptly
stopped
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
437 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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