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Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In present days, latest development technology have been allowed by the government's. The police and private companies keeping surveillance on public. In major citys and towns, security cameras are recording the movement of ordinary citizens. Whenever cellphones is used, The calls are also recording some personal calls. However, A development we should welcome? Anyhow, these kind of tracking technology has some advantages, but using these technology government may provide security to common people and as well as they can find evidence easy from any type unsuspected activities. Because of the these security cameras, Criminal activities like robbers and car stealing are decreased. And criminals are thinking about security cameras before they are going to do the crime. In sometime police officer are tracking calls if they find any suspected person. But, There is a number of problems are considered by the human rights commission. The use of security cameras and call listening may be harm to the society. Many of the people may lose they privacy. And they cannot able to hold meetings and experience. There is also most important issues are to consider now. Nowadays, many people are posting their personal information and photos in social media like Facebook and what's app etc. They cannot realise that how much easy to view their personal information to others. In sometimes site owners may misuse some innocent peoples personal information and photographs. These kinds of cases may seem to be more and more ways to monitor society. However, it is our responsibility to welcoming new technology. And they are many bad things compared with good things. Moreover, we must give first priority to our freedom later technology progress?
In present days,
A determiner is probably missing here: “the latest”.
latest
development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's. The police and private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
keeping surveillance on public. In major
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “cities”, the plural form of the noun ‘city’?
citys
and towns,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
are recording the movement of ordinary citizens. Whenever cellphones is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
are
also
recording
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
.
However
, A development we should welcome?

Anyhow,
‘These’ does not seem to match the singular noun ‘kind’. Did you mean “this kind” or “these kinds”?
these kind
of tracking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
to common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
as well
as they can find evidence easy from any type unsuspected activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
, Criminal activities like robbers and car stealing
are decreased
. And criminals are thinking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they are going to do the crime. In sometime police officer are tracking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
if they find any suspected person.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, There is a number of problems
are considered
by the human rights commission. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cameras
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
listening may be harm to the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may lose
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun ‘they’. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they privacy
. And they
Did you mean “cannot be able”?
cannot able
to hold meetings and experience. There is
also
Did you mean “the most”?
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues are to consider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are posting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information and photos in social media like Facebook and what's app etc. They cannot
Possible spelling mistake. ‘realise’ is British English.
realise
that how much easy to view their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information to others. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
site owners may misuse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information and photographs.

These kinds of cases may seem to be more and more ways to monitor society.
However
, it is our responsibility to welcoming new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. And they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things compared with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things.
Moreover
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
give
first
priority to our freedom later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
progress?
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IELTS essay Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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