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Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people rather than living with their adult children. Is it positive or negative development?

Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people rather than living with their adult children. Is it positive or negative development? 0rLl
Gediatrics should spend their retirement life is a question of great significance not only for them but also for the entire society. However, some elder people tend to live in the retirement centre rather than their own home. I think this phenomenon brings more merits then demerits. To begin with, there is no doubt that sending senior citizens to retirement communities can deplete adult pressure in providing health care to their elder parents. As people get older, they are increasingly prone to a series of medical problems such as cardiovascular disease and cancer. If, the elderly people opt to live in retirement homes they will be taken care of by health professionals so that their health will greatly improve. Moreover, another great thing about living in a retirement communities is amenities they could have available. For an instance, in Canada, many communities offer residents access to service such as exercise facilities, fitness classes, and adult education. Some also have health and personal care facilities on site. Apart from this, there are two sides of every coin. There are some demerits of living in a retirement home: loss of freedom and independence - the loss of freedom and independence might cause them to lose self-esteem as they are no longer in control of their own life; Retirement homes are expensive - many retirement home provides plethora of amenities for them so they want more money; Retirement homes can be depressing - uprooting a loved one from the family and comfort of the merely home they have know years can cause depression. For instance, according to the most recent "cost of care survey" an annual report published by LIC - life insurance company Genworth in California, the average rate for a retirement home runs 307 per day, totaling more than 112, 00 per year. If your loved one does not have plenty of savings set aside to help cover the cost, a retirement home might simply not be an option your family can afford. In conclusion, due to the professional care service and social bond retirement home offer, I think living in the Institutions can be seen as a positive development.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gediatrics
should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
life is a question of great significance not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the entire society.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
rather
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this phenomenon brings more merits
Did you mean "than"?
then
demerits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no doubt that sending senior citizens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
communities can deplete adult pressure in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to their elder parents. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, they are
increasingly
prone to a series of medical problems such as cardiovascular disease and cancer. If, the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
they will
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
Moreover
, another great thing about living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "community"?
communities
is amenities they could have available. For an instance, in Canada,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities offer residents access to service such as exercise facilities, fitness classes, and adult education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
also
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
facilities on site.

Apart from this, there are two sides of every coin. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits of living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home: loss of freedom and independence
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the loss of freedom and independence might cause them to lose self-esteem as they are no longer in control of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
are expensive
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home provides plethora of amenities for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they want more money;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
can be depressing
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
uprooting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one from the family and comfort of the
merely
home they have know years can cause depression.
For instance
, according to the most recent
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
survey
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
an annual report published by
Possible spelling mistake found.
LIC
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
life insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Possible spelling mistake found.
Genworth
in California, the average rate for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home runs 307 per day, totaling more than 112, 00 per year. If your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of savings set aside to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
cover the cost, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home might
simply
not be an option your family can afford.

In conclusion
, due to the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
service and social bond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
home offer, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
living in the Institutions can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
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IELTS essay Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people rather than living with their adult children. Is it positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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