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Nowadays some of the countries are coming up with laws which would move the production and business to the outskirts of the main cities.

Nowadays some of the countries are coming up with laws which would move the production and business to the outskirts of the main cities. 1O5G
Nowadays some of the countries are coming up with laws which would move the production and business to the outskirts of the main cities. Although moving the industries seems to be beneficial to the health of people living in the cities this would also increase the time spent traveling. I would be discussing the benefits and the adverse effect which might be caused due to such a movement. The greatest benefit of moving the production industries and businesses to the outer region of the cities would be a reduction in pollution. In the process of production, there is always some byproduct that comes out when they are at work, also this waste is disposed of in either sewer or through chimney which either causes air or water pollution. For example, take an industry that produces books and paper, an immense amount of water is used to process the paper. Also, this water which contains all the chemicals got dumped into the nearest water source, which is the major cause of water being polluted. Secondly, all the commercial and industrial area has crowd working in a little amount of space. This also harms the privacy of the nearby residential areas. One major issue that gets highlighted in such movement would be the destruction of farmlands or green zones. If we need to set up any production zone or business complex there have to be some massive structures which get built. this will need a massive amount of space and might even take up agricultural land or forests which in turn will harm wildlife. Furthermore, travel time would increase for the employees who stay in the cities. This would affect the work-life balance of the people working in such industries. In conclusion, it is quite clear that the benefits of this law outweigh the disadvantages if appropriate action is taken to make sure the green zones and agriculture are not affected. The positive effect of such rules will definitely be seen in the long run.
Nowadays
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
countries are coming up with laws which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
and business to the outskirts of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
moving the industries seems to be beneficial to the health of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
this would
also
increase the time spent traveling. I would be discussing the benefits and the adverse effect which might
be caused
due to such a movement.

The greatest benefit of moving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
industries and businesses to the outer region of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would be a reduction in pollution. In the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
, there is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
byproduct that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out when they are at work,
also
this waste
is disposed
of in either sewer or through chimney which either causes air or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
pollution.
For example
, take an industry that produces books and paper, an immense amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to process the paper.
Also
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
which contains all the chemicals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
dumped into the nearest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
source, which is the major cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
being polluted
.
Secondly
, all the commercial and industrial area has crowd working in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount of space. This
also
harms the privacy of the nearby residential areas.

One major issue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
highlighted in such movement would be the destruction of farmlands or green zones. If we need to set up any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
zone or business complex there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
massive structures which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
built.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
will need a massive amount of space and might even take up agricultural land or forests which in turn will harm wildlife.
Furthermore
, travel time would increase for the employees who stay in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. This would affect the work-life balance of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in such industries.

In conclusion
, it is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the benefits of this law outweigh the disadvantages if appropriate action
is taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure the green zones and agriculture are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
will definitely be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the long run.
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IELTS essay Nowadays some of the countries are coming up with laws which would move the production and business to the outskirts of the main cities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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