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Nowadays scientists and tourists can travel to remote natural environments such as the South Pole. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this development?

In recent years, poles are one of the most popular visiting places between travelers and scientists according to different sides. While tourist wants to explore unknown and mystery places, scientists have the aim to make new research studies. Although this situation includes some advantages such as cultural and economic development, also has some disadvantages especially on the environment. Traveling has significant effects on people regards to self-improvement. Visiting of South pole is extremely useful for people as a tourist because explore new natural places and witness diverse natural events, meeting unknown animals are extremely significant experience in human life. Besides this South Pole has been hosting the number of different scientific research. Thus a lot of scientists has been traveling, living and working there to arise new scientific research, find answers about the world’s nature and world history and discover useful organism for use in various areas. Study research which has conducted by Harward University has displayed that 30 kind of species have been discovered in the South pole for 10 years and started to use in making medicine. On the other hand, the high number of visits which are making to the South Pole result in serious environmental damages. People left a big amount of rubbish behind them, as a result of this South Pole has started to get dirty. Because travel requires to use a transportation vehicle on the pole, ice melting has increased after start visiting. The ships and planes which carry people to the pole bring about to rise on fossil fuels. In conclusion, traveling to the South pole offers a lot of diverse advantages for humanity about cultural and scientific also has disadvantages in terms of environmental structure.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poles
are one of the most popular visiting places between travelers and scientists according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sides. While tourist wants to explore unknown and mystery places, scientists have the aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
studies. Although this situation includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages such as cultural and economic development,
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
especially
on the environment.

Traveling has significant effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
regards
to self-improvement. Visiting of South
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pole
is
extremely
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as a tourist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
explore new natural places and witness diverse natural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, meeting unknown animals are
extremely
significant experience in human life.
Besides
this South
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pole
has been hosting the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
scientists has been traveling, living and working there to arise new scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, find answers about the world’s nature and world history and discover useful organism for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in various areas. Study
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research
which has conducted by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Harward
University has displayed that 30 kind of species have
been discovered
in the South
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pole
for 10 years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in making medicine.

On the other hand
, the high number of visits which are making to the South
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Pole
result in serious environmental damages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of rubbish behind them,
as a result
of this South
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Pole
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
dirty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
travel requires to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a transportation vehicle on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pole
, ice melting has increased after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
visiting. The ships and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
which carry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pole
bring about to rise on fossil fuels.

In conclusion
, traveling to the South
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pole
offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
diverse advantages for humanity about cultural and scientific
also
has disadvantages in terms of environmental structure.
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IELTS essay Nowadays scientists and tourists can travel to remote natural environments such as the South Pole. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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