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Nowadays older people often live in retirement homes with people of their own age instead of living with their children. Is it a positive or negative development?

Nowadays older people often live in retirement homes with people of their own age instead of living with their children. Is it a positive or negative development? RNVqo
In these days, older people are showing more interest to stay in oldage homes with the people of their own age rather than spending time with their own children. At certain time, staying in oldage home can be a positive culture. In fact, aged people can share their feelings properly with other same age group people who can easily understands. All those people will be aligned on the equal line and can think in the same perspective. For instance, modern oldage homes conduct several fun activities that the people there will be refreshed with the new energy and can have extra dose of happiness. Hence, many of the old-aged people are willing to stay at retirement homes. Sometimes, staying away from their children leads to certain sort of suffering. Few older people are not happy at oldage residance as there is adverse affect on their health. They used to memorize the situations happened in their families and most of the time they miss their grand children. Thus, they are going into a trauma as they could imagine the things which are not happening. In order to that many times there will be no proper care to look after them. For example, recently few older people tried to escape from the oldage home and met with the accidents as well. According to me, there should be certain period to stay in the oldages homes and they should get back to their own children whenever they are ready. To conclude, I think retirement residents should be operable according to the need of older people to make them happy and to add more life to them.
In these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are showing more interest to stay in
Possible spelling mistake found.
oldage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
age
rather
than spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
children.

At certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, staying in
Possible spelling mistake found.
oldage
home can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
culture. In fact, aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share their feelings
properly
with other same age group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can
easily
understands. All those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be aligned
on the equal line and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from the same perspective".
in the same perspective
.
For instance
, modern
Possible spelling mistake found.
oldage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
conduct several fun activities that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there will
be refreshed
with the new energy and can have extra dose of happiness.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to stay at retirement homes.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, staying away from their children leads to certain sort of suffering. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not happy at
Possible spelling mistake found.
oldage
Possible spelling mistake found.
residance
as there is adverse
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on their health. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to memorize the situations happened in their families and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they miss their grand children.
Thus
, they are going into a trauma as they could imagine the things which are not happening. In order to that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
there will be no proper care to look after them.
For example
, recently few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tried to escape from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
oldage
home and met with the accidents
as well
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, there should be certain period to stay in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
oldages
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
homes and
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
children whenever they are ready.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
retirement residents should be operable according to the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more life to them.
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IELTS essay Nowadays older people often live in retirement homes with people of their own age instead of living with their children. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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