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Nowadays most people rely on readymade food due to their excessive busy routine band find it an esay way to satisfy their health on one way or the other . To what extent do you agree or disagree .

Nowadays most people rely on readymade food due to their excessive busy routine band find it an esay way to satisfy their health on one way or the other. GMWWB
In this fast growing pace of life, masses indulge in their office work and in other activities, they have no time to cook cushions for themselves that's what they depend on restaurant food to satisfy their hungry stomach. But some people advocate that fast food or junk food badly impact on human health in various ways. I utterly concur with that fast food hazard for our health. Reason behind agreeing with above given statement would be discussed in the subsequent sections of the essay. To begin with, being globalization and modernisation people are involving with umpteen working activities for the survival in the society. Because of no time for cooking they relish ready-made food items that is unhygienic and lack of nutrients. Consequently they are suffer with diverse ailments like obesity, cancer, overweight and hear diseases. To illustrate, according to the United Nation report of 2011, 55% of world population rely over ready-made food that's why obesity and overweight patients ratio growing eminently. Despite, our younger generation has become inactive and is less interested in sport practices as a result nation builders are not capable to lead their country among others countries. Earlier individual gave more emphasis over providing hygienic and full of nutrients and minerals edible products to their offsprings, which leads to their pupil come forward and take parts in physical games. To exemplify, my cousin Mostly having junk food and they lose their stamina, they have no strength to participate in sports. To recapitulate, having fast food in excess quantity effect to our health system. Therefore, nations government and parents should have to come together to eliminate this bad habit. parents need to be give to their children home cooked food whereas government needs to impose heavy goods and service tax over that kind of items.
In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
growing pace of life, masses indulge in their office work and in other activities, they have no time to cook cushions for themselves that's what they depend on restaurant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to satisfy their hungry stomach.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
badly
impact on human health in various ways. I
utterly
concur with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
hazard for our health. Reason behind agreeing with above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement would
be discussed
in the subsequent sections of the essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, being globalization and
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are involving
with umpteen working activities for the survival in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of no time for cooking they relish ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items
that is
unhygienic and lack of nutrients.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
they are
Consider using a past participle here: "suffered".
suffer
with diverse ailments like obesity, cancer, overweight and
Did you mean "heart" (=muscular organ)?
hear
diseases. To illustrate, according to the United Nation report of 2011, 55% of world population
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "rely on".
rely
over ready-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that's why obesity and overweight
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "patients'" or "patient's"?
patients
ratio growing
eminently
.

Despite, our younger generation has become inactive and is less interested in sport practices
as a result
nation builders are not capable to lead their country among others countries. Earlier individual gave more emphasis over providing hygienic and full of nutrients and minerals edible products to their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
, which leads to their pupil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward and take parts in physical games. To exemplify, my cousin
Mostly
having junk
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food and
they lose their stamina, they have no strength to participate in sports.

To recapitulate, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in excess quantity effect to our health system.
Therefore
, nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and parents should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together to eliminate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
parents
need to be give to their children home cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to impose heavy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and service tax over that kind of items.

IELTS essay Nowadays most people rely on readymade food due to their excessive busy routine band find it an esay way to satisfy their health on one way or the other.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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