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Nowadays more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face, is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face, is this a positive or negative development? 88JV
Social media are one of the media platforms that have become very popular in recent years. This is due to the uncontrolled exposure of social media sites in society. Especially among young people, allowing that the existence of online social relationships. This condition affects unhealthy symptoms to every individual as well as the general society. In our opinion, we strongly disagree that choosing to socialize online is better than face to face because there will be some serious problems that will arise one of which is that it can lead to isolation between the individual self and the public. For example, university students. Previously they were exposed to face-to-face outdoor activities go out to meet friends in classrooms, libraries, or cafes but because of the effects of the pandemic, where’s now students or people prefer to stay at home alone or chatting online and classes online. However, it is highly unnatural that this activity is treated in our society today as it can affect the development relations of the country. Not only that, but this isolation is also unhealthy and sometimes it can cause depression in society. As a result, we wholeheartedly desagree with the statement above that more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face.
Social media are one of the media platforms that have become
very
popular in recent years. This is due to the uncontrolled exposure of social media sites in
society
.
Especially
among young
people
, allowing that the existence of
online
social relationships. This condition affects unhealthy symptoms to every individual
as well
as the general
society
. In our opinion, we
strongly
disagree that choosing to socialize
online
is better than
face
to
face
because
there will be
some
serious problems that will arise one of which is that it can lead to isolation between the individual self and the public.
For example
, university students. Previously they
were exposed
to face-to-face outdoor activities go out to
meet
friends in classrooms, libraries, or
cafes
but
because
of the effects of the pandemic, where’s
now
students or
people
prefer to stay at home alone or chatting
online
and classes
online
.
However
, it is
highly
unnatural that this activity
is treated
in our
society
today
as it can affect the development relations of the country. Not
only
that,
but
this isolation is
also
unhealthy and
sometimes
it can cause depression in
society
.
As a result
, we
wholeheartedly
desagree
with the statement above that more
people
are choosing to socialize
online
rather
than
face
to
face
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face, is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
210 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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