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Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time far away from their families. Why are the possible reasons and what effects of themselves and their families?

Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time far away from their families. Why are the possible reasons and what effects of themselves and their families? B7DGV
Relatives could hardly find a chance to gather their family as is becoming increasingly common. Thus they are passing time in particular places far away from their family. In this essay, it will discussed feasible reasons why they are deciding on staying far away from their family and the impact on themselves and their families. The pattern of living and living lifestyle is changing day by day. In turn, multitudinous people are moving out of their house and living in cities where a long-distance away their family. The higher studies and better working opportunities are the predominant reasons behind this phenomenon. This creates many personal and family issues. Firstly, a mess of people is spending their time far away from their parents and other members of the family for the reason of education. The youngsters have to move to central cities to achieve higher degrees. Another reason is that the youngest generation abandons some towns to acquire a decent job. Hence, people barely have the opportunity to be home with their families. This tendency indubitably has many detrimental effects on a person’s life as well as his or her family. Those who live alone far away from their family, feel lonely themselves and they can not share their feelings, emotions that the time of their happiness or unhappiness and, any issues. Not only do they face mental stress and depression. But also their parents. The more they miss their family, the more their family will be miserable. In conclusion, as long as, currently, in as much as more people want to achieve higher education and earn money were staying away from families, which is not good for them and their family.
Relatives could hardly find a chance to gather their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as is becoming
increasingly
common.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they are passing time
in particular
places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In this essay, it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "discuss"
discussed
feasible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why they are deciding on staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the impact on themselves and their families.

The pattern of living and living lifestyle is changing day by day. In turn, multitudinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving out of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and living in cities where a long-distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The higher studies and better working opportunities are the predominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this phenomenon. This creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
personal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
issues.
Firstly
, a mess of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is spending their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their parents and other members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of education. The youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to central cities to achieve higher degrees. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the youngest generation abandons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
towns to acquire a decent job.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
barely
have the opportunity to be home with their families.

This tendency
indubitably
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental effects on a person’s life
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, feel lonely
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
themselves and
they can not share their feelings, emotions that the time of their happiness or unhappiness and, any issues. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they face mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
also
their parents. The more they miss their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, the more their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will be miserable.

In conclusion
, as long as,
currently
, in as much as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to achieve higher education and earn money were staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time far away from their families. Why are the possible reasons and what effects of themselves and their families?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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