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Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or organization.

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. KbW3
Currently a large number of people do not prefer to work for a company. This is because workers want to have their own business to develop their talents related to something different of what they are doing in their traditional jobs and the primary drawback of that is everything depends on the owners. Having an own business provide the opportunity to turn personal skills in main jobs that sometimes are not related on what people are developing in their traditional positions in an organization. Companies posse a fair structure where people must to work in specific positions that are related to previous studies of their workers, however, some people realize that they want to transform what they consider as talents in something through they could obtain profits and incomes. For example, in the North West side of Santiago de Chile, multiples business, such as bakeries and designs shops, two of the most popular business in that zone have as owners lawyers and psychologist who decided to be independent
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not prefer to work for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
workers want to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to develop their talents related to something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
of what they are doing in their traditional jobs and the primary drawback of
that is
everything depends on the owners.

Having an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
provide the opportunity to turn personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in main jobs that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
are not related on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are developing in their traditional positions in an organization.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
posse a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
structure where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
work in specific positions that
are related
to previous studies of their workers,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize that they want to transform what they consider as talents in something through they could obtain profits and incomes.
For example
, in the North West side of Santiago de Chile, multiples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, such as bakeries and designs shops, two of the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in that zone have as owners lawyers and psychologist who decided to be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
independent
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose to be self employed, rather than to work for a company or organization.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
167 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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