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Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary schools.

All students should be required to study art and music in secondary schools. 0N6B
Many think that it is more important to learn the art and music in secondary school however others say that it should not study compulsive lesson. As far as I am totally agree art and music at secondary school where it should study compulsory because of the following reasons. First, art and music help to be creative because pupil can relax at this lesson. They can describe their future plans during listening to music. Good music can help to get enjoying and forget all their problem. Researchers say that if pupil have not enough leisure time in the middle of the lessons they may be aggressive in the future. Because, perfect lessons may be impact pupils' brain. We can find some kind of musics about nature, native town, parents which are improved childrens' essential knowledge. On the other side parents want to their children be intelligent and well educated. So, they think such as lessons waste a time and they spent many hours for studying rather than art lessons. Because, they have not enough time to prepare for the University entrance exam. They may listen to music in their house and watch Although, pupils use such as way but they may have stressful situation in the middle of perfect lessons. In conclusion, all students should be required to study art and music at lesson. Because, pupil can see beneficial sides our life with music and art help to improve their creative sides.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in secondary school
however
others say that it should not study compulsive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
. As far as I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at secondary school where it should study compulsory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to be creative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupil
can relax at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
their future plans during listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enjoying and forget all their problem.

Researchers say that if
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pupil
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
leisure time in the middle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
they may be aggressive in the future.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
may be impact pupils' brain. We can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
musics
about nature, native town, parents which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
' essential knowledge.

On the other side parents want to their children be intelligent and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
waste a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours for studying
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to prepare for the University entrance exam.

They may listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such as way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they may have stressful situation in the middle of perfect lessons.

In conclusion
, all students should
be required
to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupil
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
beneficial sides our life with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their creative sides.
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IELTS essay All students should be required to study art and music in secondary schools.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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