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nowadays many people choose to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organisation what might this be the case what could be the disadvantages of being self employed give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

In this 21st century, people are being more independent and self-employed and prefer to become a boss rather than working in a company or organisation. I prefer being self-employed than to work for others. However, many people prefer to work in a company or organisation due to the fear of their business failure and losses. They believe that owning own business is more risky because there is fluctuations of profits and losses so, they think that they will be paid monthly whether the organization is in profit or loss. Personally I really don't like to work under others so, I prefer being the owner of the company which allows me to gain more knowledge and experience to tackle with everything situation. Though there are some drawback of being self-employed I would love to have my own business so that I can give opportunity to other needy people to be employed. I have recently read a book named "woman power" where a woman own a business and provides job to many jobless people. I always dream of having own business with the purpose to provide skills and job to many women who have been harassed and raped. To sum up, I favour to be self reliant and head of the business with the intent to make women independent.
In this 21st century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are being more independent and self-employed and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to become a boss
rather
than working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisation’ is British English.
organisation
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
being self-employed than to work for others.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
to work in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or
Possible spelling mistake. ‘organisation’ is British English.
organisation
due to the fear of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
failure and losses. They believe that owning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is more risky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean “there are fluctuations”?
there is fluctuations
of profits and losses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they will
be paid
monthly whether the
Do not mix variants of the same word (‘organization’ and ‘organisation’) within a single text.
organization
is in profit or loss.
Personally
I
really
don't like to work under others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
being the owner of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
me to gain more knowledge and experience to tackle with everything situation. Though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawback of being self-employed I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to have my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can give opportunity to other needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be employed
. I have recently read a book named
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
woman power
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
where a woman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and provides job to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I always dream of having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with the purpose to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and job to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
women who have
been harassed
and raped. To sum up, I
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favour’ is British English.
favour
to be
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
self reliant
and head of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
with the intent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
women independent.

IELTS essay nowadays many people choose to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organisation what might this be the case what could be the disadvantages of being self employed give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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