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Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? O793
In this era of advancement, a plenty of people move to the developed countries to earn a bread. Owing to that, these nations have many cosmopolitan cities where the people from different cultures live together. But the raging problem is they spend their lives together with harmony or different traditions create disparity between them. To reach this scenario, the government should impose some strict rules and have to punish on breaking the border of life decided. Due to fear of heavy penalties and imprisonment, nationalists of various regions live in a peaceful manner. Other class of materialistic people suggest that the government should provide all basic facilities like education, healthcare, infrastructure and employment to each and every individual who migrated for the same. Therefore, the migrants live very happily and with equity. To support this argument, I would like to give an example from my own experience. Recently I am working in pharmaceutical company where the people from different states to show their excellence and to be paid for it. But the company owner had never differentiated the employees by their city or stare or by religion. In spite of that, the management always motivated all the employees by celebrating the festivals of different religions and traditions. An individual is always rewarded for his excellency and every year there is a chance for each employee to win the best work award for his or her marvellous inputs for company profit. To summarize, I believe it is a daunting task for any government that the people of various nations live without any conflict or massacre. But with proper management and some stricter rules the higher authorities impel the people to live harmoniously.
In this era of advancement, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
to earn
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "bread".
a bread
. Owing to that, these nations have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cosmopolitan cities where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
together.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the raging problem is they spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
together with harmony or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
traditions create disparity between them.

To reach this scenario, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
punish on breaking the border of life decided. Due to fear of heavy penalties and imprisonment, nationalists of various regions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Consider replacing "in a peaceful manner" with the adverb for "peaceful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a peaceful manner
. Other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of materialistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide all basic facilities like education, healthcare, infrastructure and employment to each and every individual who migrated for the same.
Therefore
, the migrants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happily
and with equity.

To support this argument, I would like to give an example from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience. Recently I am working in pharmaceutical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
states to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their excellence and to
be paid
for it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
owner had never differentiated the employees by their city or stare or by religion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
that, the management always motivated all the employees by celebrating the festivals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
religions and traditions. An individual is always rewarded for his excellency and every year there is a chance for each employee to win the best work award for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
inputs for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
profit.

To summarize
, I believe it is a daunting task for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
without any conflict or massacre.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with proper management and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stricter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
the higher authorities impel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
harmoniously
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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