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Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

People from all round the globe are living in cosmopolitan cities of different countries. Rules and regulations should be updated and modified in order to ensure safety and to maintain peace among different cultural background peoples. I believe that the government policy helps citizens to live in harmonious way because they are regulating bodies of country and they have that supreme power to make changes for good cause. There are different reasons to recon that government should update their constitution due to the fact that the old policies might not include the rules for the recent change in migration of people. Cultural difference of native and foreign people might create problem so, regulations by the government will be beneficial for the public. Additionally, the government can organize some session for non-native people living in cosmopolitan cities to give brief introduction regarding culture, tradition, foods as well as custom that helps them knowledge about things acceptable for the community where they are living. For example, in India cow is worship as goddess, so they do not kill or consume cow meat. If, foreigner gets this information then they will not kill cow and peace will be maintained. Moreover, the government should use official language as English apart from their native language so that all public can communicate easily which reduce the occurrence of dispute among people due to communication gap. Communicating in common language makes easy to share ideas and problems to people from different country which ultimately helps to maintain connection between different community. Likewise, giving permission by government to organize cultural events which represent native country culture will brings different societies together owing to the fact that local people also gets opportunity to know about foreign culture and accept. for example. When I was in South India wearing short sari was considered as revealing but when we showed our Newari cultural dress they accepted it and treated us very happily. In conclusion, by making different rules and regulation which suited people of different countries peace and harmony can be maintained in cosmopolitan cities. Apart from rules different events should be organized to bring those communities together which provides opportunity to know each other.
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People
from all round the globe are living in cosmopolitan cities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rules
and regulations should
be updated
and modified in order to ensure safety and to maintain peace among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
background
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
. I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmonious way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are regulating bodies of
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they have that supreme power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cause.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
reasons to recon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should update their constitution due to the fact that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
policies might not include the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
for the recent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cultural
difference of native and foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might create problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, regulations by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will be beneficial for the public.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
session for non-native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in cosmopolitan cities to give brief introduction regarding culture, tradition, foods
as well
as custom that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them knowledge about things acceptable for the community where they are living.
For example
, in India cow is worship as goddess,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not kill or consume cow meat. If, foreigner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
this information then they will not kill cow and peace will
be maintained
.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
official language as English apart from their native language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that all public can communicate
easily
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the occurrence of dispute among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to communication gap. Communicating in common language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
easy to share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and problems to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
community.
Likewise
, giving permission by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which represent native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
culture will brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
societies together owing to the fact that local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
opportunity to know about foreign culture and accept.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
for
example. When I was in South India wearing short sari
was considered
as revealing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
our
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newari
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
dress they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
it and treated us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happily
.

In conclusion
, by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and regulation which suited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
peace and harmony can
be maintained
in cosmopolitan cities. Apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
should
be organized
to bring those communities together which provides opportunity to know each other.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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