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Nowadays, many children stand a good chance of staying healthy due to significant advances in technology and healthcare.

Nowadays, many children stand a good chance of staying healthy due to significant advances in technology and healthcare. n1YQg
Nowadays, many children stand a good chance of staying healthy due to significant advances in technology and healthcare. However, as living standard increases, children are more likely to ruin their health by having bad daily habits. Both families and schools, in my opinion, bear special obligations and may do a lot to improve the situation. First and foremost, parents are believed to have the main responsibility to improve the lifestyle of their kids. These days, parents have gotten involved in a hectic life which leads to spending less time with their children. As a result, youngsters prefer to spend lengthy periods of time in front of the television or computer rather than engaging in physical activities, and they rely significantly on fast food, which is deficient in essential nutrients. Therefore, parents are under obligation, not only to provide them with healthy food, but also to give them guidelines for activities in the spare time to keep fit. In addition, parents are expected to be the primary role model of leading a healthy lifestyle, as they have crucial impact on the development of teenagers. On the other hand, teachers also play a vital role in helping their students acquire good lifestyles. It is excessive volumes of tasks that children don’t even have a break for extra-curricular activities. To effect transformation, schools should incorporate regular physical activity into their schedules through programs such as physical education and mandatory sports. Furthermore, schools should promote healthy eating programs or provide parents with training on how to raise their children. To sum up, parents and schools are able to improve children's lifestyle simultaneously. In other words, I believe that kids can lead a healthier life if they are under the guidance of both parents and teachers.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stand a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance of staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
due to significant advances in technology and healthcare.
However
, as living standard increases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to ruin their health by having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
daily habits. Both families and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, in my opinion, bear special obligations and may do a lot to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are believed
to have the main responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of their kids. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have gotten involved in a hectic life which leads to spending less time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, youngsters prefer to spend lengthy periods of time in front of the television or computer
rather
than engaging in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, and they rely
significantly
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, which is deficient in essential nutrients.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are under obligation, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to provide them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to give them guidelines for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the spare time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be the primary role model of leading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, as they have crucial impact on the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

On the other hand
, teachers
also
play a vital role in helping their students acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. It is excessive volumes of tasks that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
don’t even have a break for extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. To effect transformation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should incorporate regular physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
into their schedules through programs such as physical education and mandatory sports.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating programs or provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with training on how to raise their children.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
simultaneously
.
In other words
, I believe that kids can lead a healthier life if they are under the guidance of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, many children stand a good chance of staying healthy due to significant advances in technology and healthcare.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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