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Nowadays children mostly spend their time playing computer games than sports.why this happening.what are the advantages and disadvantage of this

Nowadays children mostly spend their time playing computer games than sports. why this happening. what are the advantages and disadvantage of this QR1kb
These day, wards like to play Indore game or online game, however in past children mostly spend time in playing outdoor sports. In this essay I will discuss about why this happened and it positive and negative effects To begin with, many people do not perfer Their wards to send out for playing sports because they have fear that thoir children can be kidnap by kidnaper, because their children ore not ma mature enough to tacle with this type of people. To exemplify, a seuvey was conducted by England government which depicts that majority of masses say that they prefer that ward should play online game than going outside. Moreover this type of game provide thriller that cannot come in sports activities so that why children are spending most of their at home and play video game Undoubtedly, online game can produce some type of negative effects. firstly, many children play this type of game for more than hours which effects on eyes some time they have to wear sapcs. secondly, some time video game put adverse effects on children brain and they could not be able to control the mind and game control then by their own way. For instance, after launch of Bule Whale many people and children lost their life because their mind get in uncouncies they get control by game. To coucled, it is sensible to that parents should push their children to go for playing sport because by this they can become fit and fine
Did you mean "this day" or "These days"?
These day
, wards like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Indore game or online game,
however
in past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mostly
spend time in playing outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In this essay I will
Did you mean simply "discuss why"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about why
this happened and
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
Possible spelling mistake found.
perfer
Their wards to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
out for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have fear that
Possible spelling mistake found.
thoir
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be kidnap by
Possible spelling mistake found.
kidnaper
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ore not ma mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
tacle
with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To exemplify, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
seuvey
was conducted
by England
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
which depicts that majority of masses say that they prefer that ward should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
online game than going outside.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of game provide thriller that cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending most of their at home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
video game

Undoubtedly
, online game can produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of game for more than hours which effects on eyes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wear
Possible spelling mistake found.
sapcs
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time video game put adverse effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
brain and
they could not be able to control the mind and game control then by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
For instance
, after launch of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bule
Whale
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lost their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
uncouncies
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
control by game.

To
Possible spelling mistake found.
coucled
, it is sensible to that parents should push their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to go for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by this they can become fit and fine
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IELTS essay Nowadays children mostly spend their time playing computer games than sports. why this happening. what are the advantages and disadvantage of this

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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