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nowadays children are pressurized too much for discipline and manners some feel that this over pressure has negative effects on their growth do you agree or disagree

nowadays children are pressurized too much for discipline and manners some feel that this over pressure has negative effects on their growth R55NG
Every parents believe that their children become successful in life. Here due to over pressure on children for manners and discipline has some demerits, I agree with writer's notion and the reasons for my inclination are articulated in ensuing paragraphs. To embark with, putting more pressure on children may convert into wrong direction. Pressure from school teacher and parents become burden for child and some time they commit crime such as money thefting from their home. Under pressure they do not told their parents what they want to do and by pressure their parents enroll them into field which student does not like. To cite an example, in India recently one child commit suicide because after 10th standard he want to pursue his further study in science field but his father was not agree and put him in commerce filed forcefully. Another moot is effect on children mind, according to science development of natural taught reduce when someone is under pressure so might children suffer from various health issue due to over pressure. On the other hand, if children are not under control of their guardian might they become irresponsible person and some time drug addicted. In teenage time they do not know how to behave with other and how to overcome from any situation so pressure from parents is effectively to learn this type manner and discipline. On the close scrutiny it can be concluded that, every parents put pressure on children for bright future of child but parents should also give a chance to speak their child what they want to become.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
successful in life. Here due to over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for manners and discipline has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with writer's notion and the reasons for my inclination
are articulated
in ensuing paragraphs. To embark with, putting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may convert into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pressure
from school teacher and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
burden for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time they commit crime such as money
Possible spelling mistake found.
thefting
from their home. Under
The comma is probably missing here: "pressure, they".
pressure they
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
what they want to do and by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
enroll them into field which student does not like. To cite an example, in India recently one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
commit suicide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after 10th standard he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to pursue his
further
study in science field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his father was not
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
and put him in commerce filed
forcefully
. Another moot is effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mind, according to science development of natural taught
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
when someone is under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer from various health issue due to over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
.
On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not under control of their guardian might they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
irresponsible person and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time drug addicted. In teenage time they do not know how to behave with other and how to overcome from any situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is
effectively
to learn this type manner and discipline. On the
Consider using "scrutiny".
close scrutiny
it can
be concluded
that, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for bright future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
also
give a chance to speak their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
what they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
.
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IELTS essay nowadays children are pressurized too much for discipline and manners some feel that this over pressure has negative effects on their growth

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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