Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.

Nowadays, we all know people who are popular for their glamour and wealth, so they become talking point in society. This kind of people called celebrities. However, another type of people who works hard and are industrious are always under the someone's shadow and need huge effort to become famous one. I completely agree with this statement that some people are famous for their glamour and not for achievements. First of all, adults who realize that without achievements, she get some dignity, success and for instance money, she try to do some scandalous. Of course, she become famous person but in a wrong way. Such celebrities set bad example to children. From my point of view, fame and fortune are depend of hard work and luck. On the contrary, it is vivid that in world there are thousand of successful and popular people with their great achievements. For example, world’s best footballer Christiano Ronaldo. When he was child, he had not even money for ball and shoes to play football. Due to his regular hard work, now he has everything and is role model for little ones. To recapitulate, to my mind there are more discerning adults than unwise. I am convinced that their inspirational and role model would be right person.
Nowadays, we all know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are popular for their glamour and wealth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they become talking point in society. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
called celebrities.
However
, another type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and are industrious are always under
Possible typo. Did you mean “the” or “someone”?
the someone
's shadow and need huge effort to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
one. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for their glamour and not for achievements.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, adults who realize that without achievements, she
The pronoun ‘she’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “gets”, “got”.
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dignity, success and
for instance
money, she
The pronoun ‘she’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “tries”, “tried”.
try
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scandalous.
Of course
, she become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way. Such celebrities set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example to children. From my point of view, fame and fortune are
The verb ‘to depend’ requires the preposition ‘(up)on’: “depend on”.
depend
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and luck.

On the contrary
, it is vivid that in world there are
Use “a thousand” or use a number before ‘thousand’.
thousand
of successful and popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their great achievements.
For example
, world’s best footballer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Christiano
Ronaldo. When he was child, he had not even money for ball and shoes to play football. Due to his regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he has everything and is role model for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones.

To recapitulate, to my mind there are more discerning adults than unwise. I
am convinced
that their inspirational and role model would be right person.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts