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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To What extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. 7mRb
These days many famous people are well known for their possessions and glamour rather than for their accomplishments. Most of the people are of opinion that this sets a very bad example to youngsters. I agree with the statement that some of the celebrities are bad role model to the youngsters as they influence society in a wrong way. To begin with, most of the famous people influence young people through social media by posting pictures of their glamour and this create a very adverse effects on young people. They often send out a message to the people that inorder to be famous you should either rich or beautiful. A typical example would be many social media influencers who are very influencial and famous often post thier pictures which gives rich looks wearing desinger costumes and advertising products which are very costly. They some times do post pictures which are glamourous. These lusty lifestyle of influencers can often create a negative impact on the mindset of teenagers. They get easily influenced and adopt this as their original lifestyle and they donot even put efforts to understand and appreciate the hardwork of others, they only see the superficial side of lifestyle and believe it as real. On the other hand there are few people who can create a very positive impact on youngsters by their extraordinary talent and hardwork. Some individuals who take them as role model are often successful. There are few people who are extremely inspirational to young people and children. To conclude, though few celebrities create a positive impact on youngsters many of them fail to set a perfect example to young people.
These days
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many
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famous
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people
are well known for their possessions and glamour
rather
than for their accomplishments. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of opinion that this sets a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example to youngsters. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
celebrities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
role model to the youngsters as they influence society in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most of the
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famous
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people
influence
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through social media by posting pictures of their glamour and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
adverse effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They
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often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
out a message to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
inorder
to be
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famous
you
The word 'rich' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
should either rich
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
. A typical example would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social media influencers
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who
are
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very
Possible spelling mistake found.
influencial
and
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famous
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often
post
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
pictures which gives rich looks wearing
Possible spelling mistake found.
desinger
costumes and advertising products which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times do post pictures which are
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamourous
. These lusty lifestyle of influencers can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the mindset of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. They
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get
easily
influenced and adopt this as their original
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lifestyle and
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
even put efforts to understand and appreciate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
of others, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the superficial side of lifestyle and believe it as real.

On the other hand
there are few
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people
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who
can
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create
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on youngsters by their extraordinary talent and
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
take them as role model are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
successful. There are few
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
extremely
inspirational to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and children.

To conclude
, though few celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them fail to set a perfect example to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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