Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

“Normal” societal roles for women include taking care of the children in the household. But now that women contribute equally in outdoor responsibilities, it would be a little unfair to expect the same amount of dedication towards the upbringing of th

“Normal” societal roles for women include taking care of the children in the household. But now that women contribute equally in outdoor responsibilities, it would be a little unfair to expect the same amount of dedication towards the upbringing of th 2bPLk
In today's world, many women build their professional career with additional responsibility of upbringing of children. It is totally unfair to expect total dedication from them to perform these dual roles equally well. Men should also take responsibility of children and need to contribute in the development of children's future. This essay will discuss about valid arguments for this approach with relative examples. Firstly, in today's competitive world, it is really challenging to manage responsibilities of children, house and work. So, if we force women to take all the responsibilities of home and children then we are indirectly put extra stress on their life. For instance, in western countries, many women manage their work and children in parallel, but after sometime they required to sacrifice anyone of them to perform better in other. Therefore, working women can not take all the responsibilities of children and men must step up and have to share some of them to release pressure. Secondly, upbringing of children is the responsibility of both parents. Some of the social values and behavior child can inherit from his father. Therefore, it is crucial for child to spend sufficient time with both parents. Apart from that, if both parents share responsibility with mutual understanding then it creates positive environment in home and also helps children. In conclusion, upbringing of child is a very critical phase of child's life and therefore both parents need to perform this duty with mutual understanding and co-operation.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
build their professional career with additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is
totally
unfair to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
total dedication from them to perform these dual roles
equally
well.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
should
also
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and need to contribute in the development of children's future. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss valid"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about valid
arguments for this approach with relative examples.

Firstly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's competitive world, it is
really
challenging
Did you mean "managing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if we force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to take all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
then we are
indirectly
put extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on their life.
For instance
, in western countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
manage their work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in parallel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after sometime they required to sacrifice anyone of them to perform better in other.
Therefore
, working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can not take all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
step up and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them to release pressure.

Secondly
, upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
social values and behavior child can inherit from his father.
Therefore
, it is crucial for child to spend sufficient time with both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Apart from that, if both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
with mutual understanding then it creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment in home and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
children.

In conclusion
, upbringing of child is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical phase of child's life and
therefore
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to perform this duty with mutual understanding and co-operation.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay “Normal” societal roles for women include taking care of the children in the household. But now that women contribute equally in outdoor responsibilities, it would be a little unfair to expect the same amount of dedication towards the upbringing of th

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • “Normal” societal roles for women include taking care of the children in the household. But now that women contribute equally in outdoor responsibilities, it would be a little unfair to expect the same amount of dedication towards the upbringing of th