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My computer which was broken

My computer which was broken KwobM
I would like to tell you about my laptop, which got damaged about two years ago. It was gift from my parents on my birthday. It happened when I had to prepare homework for my school. My laptop was a bit old. I was typing something, but suddenly computer had frozen. I tried to turn it on but it was not working. Frankly I was disappointed because of my unfinished work. I didn’t know what to do. I called to my best friend and asked her for advice. She offered me to give her laptop. Then I had to go to her and borrow another laptop to finish my homework. Later on a had to tell about that problem to my parents. They weren’t angry and my father took my computer for the technician. In a week, my computer got repaired but unfortunately, it cost my parents a lot of money. Now I always try to be careful when I using electronic equipment’s
I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
damaged about two years ago. It was gift from my parents on my birthday. It happened when I had to prepare homework for my school. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
was a bit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I was typing something,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
suddenly
computer had frozen. I tried to turn it on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was not working.
Frankly
I
was disappointed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my unfinished work. I didn’t know what to do. I called to my best friend and asked her for advice. She offered me to give her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
. Then I had to go to her and borrow another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
to finish my homework. Later on a had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about that problem to my parents. They weren’t angry and my father took my computer for the technician. In a week, my computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
repaired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately, it cost my parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I always try to be careful when
Did you mean "I'm using", "I am using", or "I was using"?
I using
electronic equipment’
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
s

IELTS essay My computer which was broken

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
162 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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