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More life expectancy is good

More life expectancy is good 9awG3
In the past century, medical industry has evolved drastically. Innovation has not only led to development of cures for previously terminal diseases but also treatments that can extend life up to decades. As a result, the average life expectancy has more the doubled in just the past 100 years. I believe this has led to people living longer and more fulfilling lives. One major benefit of increased life expectancy is quality of life. People have gained more time to contribute professionally to society, enjoy pleasures of life and fulfil their ambitions. It has allowed humans to take a long-term perspective on life which is also sustainable for the environment too. For instance, oil is being consciously replaced by renewable energy to build an ecosystem that is not only sustainable for us but also does not harm the environment for future generations. Living longer has also created a mindset and cultural change in people. People have now become more responsible as they have started planning for their future. Retirement planning and family planning are two examples of the social change that this development has introduced. Longer life expectancy means the family needs to be supported for a longer period of time and so will require more resources. Therefore, people have started planning their families with more consideration which is in turn helping to battle the problem of over population. On the other hand, longer life of individuals is causing additional stress on the limited existing resources. On a macro trend, advancement of medical treatments is abetting the growth of over population. As the death rate is increasingly falling, population is burgeoning. To summarize, increased life expectancy due to improvement of medical care practices is a beneficial to humans. It is bringing about positive social and environmental changes by encouraging people to live more sustainable.
In the past century, medical industry has evolved
drastically
. Innovation has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
led to development of cures for previously terminal diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
treatments that can extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
up to decades.
As a result
, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy has more the doubled in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the past 100 years. I believe this has led to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
and more fulfilling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

One major benefit of increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy is quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have gained more time to contribute
professionally
to society, enjoy pleasures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and fulfil their ambitions. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
humans to take a long-term perspective on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which is
also
sustainable for the environment too.
For instance
, oil is being
consciously
replaced by renewable energy to build an ecosystem
that is
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sustainable for us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
does not harm the environment for future generations.

Living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
has
also
created a mindset and cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become more responsible as they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
for their future. Retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
and family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
are two examples of the social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
that this development has introduced.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy means the family needs to
be supported
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
period of time and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will require more resources.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
their families with more consideration which is in turn helping to battle the problem of over population.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of individuals is causing additional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the limited existing resources. On a macro trend, advancement of medical treatments is abetting the growth of over population. As the death rate is
increasingly
falling, population is burgeoning.

To summarize
, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy due to improvement of medical care practices is a beneficial to humans. It is bringing about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
social and environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more sustainable.
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IELTS essay More life expectancy is good

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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