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More and more media attention is paid to famous people who are successful in sports and movies. Why do you think that this happens? Do you think this is a positive or negative thing? Why?

More and more media attention is paid to famous people who are successful in sports and movies. Why do you think that this happens? Do you think this is a positive or negative thing? Why? 2oRb
It is argued that, nowadays media plays a vital role in our life. Media has been paying more attention towards renowned people which are more popular in films and others. This essay will suggest that predominant reasons behind this phenomenon are increasing trp of the channel and masses want to watch their favourite celebrities. However I believe that it is negative development. To commence with, the first and foremost reason is that, every person wants to watch their favourite celebrities on television. Therefore, news channels attention towards celebrities for increasing television rating points and for the purpose of becoming popular. Nowadays the competition between news channels increases day by day. Every news channels want to get popularity. However, people give less preference to watch news on news channels as every time they want to watch celebrities and are curious to know about celebrities life. I believe that it is negative development as if media always show to people celebrities than people cannot know about the other news. Also, children get more attract towards the stars and they do not focus on their study. Some people do not like to watch celebrities every time so they feel frustrate. This is not good for them. If news channels focus on countries progress also they can aware people through news about the country which is beneficial for them. If media only focus on popular stars then masses stop the watching these kind of news channels. Sometimes it affects on celebrities personality. To conclude, I believe that, news channels are the source where people get knowledge about the world. Hence, media should do not only focus on celebrities, they should focus on other things also and should provide good news to individuals.
It
is argued
that, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
plays a vital role in our life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
has been paying more attention towards renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which are more popular in films
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. This essay will suggest that predominant reasons behind this phenomenon are increasing
Possible spelling mistake found.
trp
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
and masses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development. To commence with, the
first
and foremost reason is that, every person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
on television.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
attention towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
for increasing television rating points and for the purpose of becoming popular. Nowadays the competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
increases day by day. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
popularity.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give less preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
as every time they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and are curious to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
life.

I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot know about the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Also
, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more attract towards the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stars and
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on their study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
every time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they feel frustrate. This is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on countries progress
also
they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
can aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about the country which is beneficial for them. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on popular stars then masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the watching
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it affects on
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "celebrities'" or "celebrity's"?
celebrities
personality.

To conclude
, I believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
are the source where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about the world.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
focus
on other things
also
and should provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
to individuals.
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IELTS essay More and more media attention is paid to famous people who are successful in sports and movies. Why do you think that this happens? Do you think this is a positive or negative thing? Why?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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