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mobile phones have brought many benefits but they have also had negative effects. do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweight the advantages ?

mobile phones have brought many benefits but they have also had negative effects. do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweight the advantages? p7xL
in this fast-pace age, mobile phone has become an indispensible thing with many benefits. However, there are a lot of disavantages brought when people use mobile phones. In this essay, i will look at both sides of using smartphone. on the one hand, using mobile phones have several positive effects. Firstly, mobile phones are handy digital equipment so it can be easier to take with. For example, people are able to study online subjects on websites in their domestic or another country. Besides, documents and helpful datas can be found easily with smartphones connected the Internet. Secondly, phones have some functions that can assist people to amuse. People can play game and listen to music whenever they want. on the other hand, it also has some fundamental drawbacks. One major drawback is when parent give their kids smartphones, that can lead to many negative impacts on their children. As a consequence, using phones too soon can make their eyes affected by serious myopia. Another disadvantage is if mobile phones connected the Internet can help people easier in finding informations, therefore, it can brings a numerous amount of untrue news which may affected on people senses. in conclusion, having mobile phones does not only bring convenience but also have negative influences. From my viewpoint, i think that there is a balance between its advantages and disadvantages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-pace age, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has become an
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispensible
thing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
disavantages
brought when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. In this essay,
Did you mean "I"?
i
will look at both sides of using smartphone.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the one hand, using mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
Firstly
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are handy digital equipment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can be easier to take with.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to study online subjects on websites in their domestic or another country.
Besides
, documents and helpful
Possible spelling mistake found.
datas can
be found
easily
with smartphones connected the Internet.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
functions that can assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to amuse.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can play game and listen to music whenever they want.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fundamental drawbacks. One major drawback is when parent give their kids smartphones, that can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their children. As a consequence, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their eyes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by serious myopia. Another disadvantage is if mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
connected the Internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easier in finding
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
,
therefore
, it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "bring"
brings
a numerous amount of untrue news which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
senses
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion, having mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring convenience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences. From my viewpoint,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is a balance between its advantages and disadvantages.
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IELTS essay mobile phones have brought many benefits but they have also had negative effects. do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweight the advantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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