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Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion?

Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion? 1eLy
In India, men are given high preference over women. In my opinion, I feel that to some extend jobs should be reserved for women keeping in mind equality towards men. Firstly, it is seen from past that males are chosen more over females thinking that they are more responsible, hardworking and can do their job correctly. However, nowadays women are also climbing the peak of life and are gaining more and more knowledge, learning skills and talents. From the ages it is said that women are only there to do household things like cooking, taking care of family, etc. , and also they are not capable of working so they are not allowed to study, whereas men are considerd as an independant guy who can work efficiently. Its a decade now that women are allowed to educate themselves and be independent in their life and achieve their goals, though the mentality of community is still same in some parts of the nation. Secondly, various organisations thinks women are not capable of managing household as well as work so they mostly pick men. But womens are more systematic and can manage work. Sometimes, females lack opportunities although having ability of doing that particular work. So, if government chooses to keep a certain percentage of jobs for women it is alright but taking in consider that it should not be biased. Women and Men should be treated equally in all fields of life so, there will be no biasedness and also this equality will help the country to develope. In my conclusion, Women should get the chance of working not just because they are women, but due to the fact that they have the abilities of working.
In India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
high preference over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. In my opinion, I feel that to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
jobs should
be reserved
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
keeping in mind equality towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from past that males
are chosen
more over females thinking that they are more responsible, hardworking and can do their job
correctly
.
However
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
also
climbing the peak of life and are gaining more and more knowledge, learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and talents. From the ages it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
there to do household things like cooking, taking care of family, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
and
also
they are not capable of working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to study, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
considerd
as an
Possible spelling mistake found.
independant
guy who can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiently
.
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
a decade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to educate themselves and be independent in their life and achieve their goals, though the mentality of community is
still
same in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the nation.

Secondly
, various
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not capable of managing household
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
mostly
pick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Possible spelling mistake found.
womens
are more systematic and can manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, females lack opportunities although having ability of doing that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
chooses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a certain percentage of jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
it is alright
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
taking in consider that it should not
be biased
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
should
be treated
equally
in all fields of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, there will be no
Possible spelling mistake found.
biasedness
and
also
this equality will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the country to
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
.

In my conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance of working not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to the fact that they have the abilities of working.
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IELTS essay Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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