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many people workfrom home and more students will study at home if computer technology become cheap and accessible. What will be advantages and disadvantages if this happens.

many people workfrom home and more students will study at home if computer technology become cheap and accessible. What will be advantages and disadvantages if this happens. q7gE
It is considered that because of less cost and greater accessibility of computer technology, the development of online working and distance learning will be enhanced in the whole world. This essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of this emerging trend in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with the pros of this notion, the predominant one is flexible working and study hours. To elaborate, it assists people to do work and study more conveniently by which people can also spend their time with their family and friends. Secondly, elderly people can also work from home which can be a huge contribution to the global economy. For example, A survey was conducted by researchers in Japan, due to the advancement of technology, the economy is increased to a peak level as compared to other nations. Thus, it will be beneficial for both, the individuals and country because of its effectiveness to earn money. Further moving towards cons of technology, it can lessen the face-to-face interactions which not only make humans isolated but also have an adverse effect on industries. To explicate it, individuals will prefer to stay at home due to technology which leads to psychological problems by these industries will have to face a hard time because of less customer footfall. For instance, a headline of 'The Moscow Times' revealed in 2015 that in the USA, 67% people preferred to stay at home because of this, industries (especially FMCG related) had to face difficulties while traveling extensively to reach their consumers. As a result, technology will create money problems regarding health along with industries. To conclude, although because of technical gadgets. both young and elder people can work for flexible hours yet it will also affect people's health and revenue of companies.
It
is considered
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less cost and greater accessibility of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the development of online working and distance learning will
be enhanced
in the whole world. This essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of this emerging trend in upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with the pros of this notion, the predominant one is flexible working and study hours. To elaborate, it assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do work and study more
conveniently
by which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
spend their time with their family and friends.
Secondly
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
work from home which can be a huge contribution to the global economy.
For example
, A survey
was conducted
by researchers in Japan, due to the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the economy
is increased
to a peak level as compared to other nations.
Thus
, it will be beneficial for both, the individuals and country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its effectiveness to earn money.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
moving towards cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, it can lessen the face-to-face interactions which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
humans isolated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have an adverse effect on industries. To explicate it, individuals will prefer to stay at home due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which leads to psychological problems by these industries will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less customer footfall.
For instance
, a headline of 'The Moscow Times' revealed in 2015 that in the USA, 67%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred to stay at home
because of this
, industries (
especially
FMCG related) had to face difficulties while traveling
extensively
to reach their consumers.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will create money problems regarding health along with industries.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technical gadgets.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
both
young and elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work for flexible hours
yet
it will
also
affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health and revenue of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
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IELTS essay many people workfrom home and more students will study at home if computer technology become cheap and accessible. What will be advantages and disadvantages if this happens.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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