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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? y05D
Most people prefer working long hours neglecting their personal lives. It is rightly said All work and no play makes jack a dull boy, many employees choose to carry their work home and work after hours in order to meet deadlines and often compromise their leisure time over the weekends. This essay will discuss how the disadvantages like mental illnesses, saturation and personal lives spiral into a turmoil by working around the clock outweigh limited advantages supported by relevant examples by World Health Organization. Firstly, relentlessly working can not only cost a person their overall health but also make them reach a saturation point. In this modern world, due to increased competition many people succumb to working longer duration to achieve certain short-term goals which leads them to feeling saturated in the long run. For example, World Health Organization carried out a survey in 2019 stating that 79% of the people dealing with depression were employees who worked for more than an 8hour shift at offices every day. Hence, working overtime may bring a double paycheck but might only lead to major drawbacks in personal lives. On the other hand, some workaholics avoid weekends to indulge in family time or give themselves some personal attention. This not only leaves a foul impression or resentments in the minds of the family but also brings disharmony at home where there’s no communication involved which leads to children getting disassociated and divorces amongst spouses in marriage. For example, according to Vogue Magazine’s Mental Health Awareness campaign, saw an unbelievable count of votes in the poll for marriages ending up in divorces because partners could not give enough time to family. This not only states the many disadvantages of working overtime but also negates the scope of advantages. To summarise the above disadvantages of working long hours, it is obvious that work life balance is an important aspect of life and cannot be overlooked to gain short-term goals. It is therefore necessary for everyone working in this toxic work life culture to realise the importance of having some leisure time.
Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
neglecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It is
rightly
said All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and no play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
jack a dull boy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees choose to carry their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
deadlines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
compromise their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
over the weekends. This essay will discuss how the disadvantages like mental illnesses, saturation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
spiral into a turmoil by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
around the clock outweigh limited advantages supported by relevant examples by World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization.

Firstly
,
relentlessly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
cost a person their
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them reach a saturation point. In this modern world, due to increased competition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
succumb to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
longer duration to achieve certain short-term goals which leads them to feeling saturated in the long run.
For example
, World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Organization carried out a survey in 2019 stating that 79% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
dealing with depression were employees who worked for more than
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
8hour
shift at offices every day.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime may bring a double paycheck
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
lead to major drawbacks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workaholics avoid weekends to indulge in family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or give themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
attention. This not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a foul impression or resentments in the minds of the family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
brings disharmony at home where there’s no communication involved which leads to children getting disassociated and divorces amongst spouses in marriage.
For example
, according to Vogue Magazine’s Mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Awareness campaign,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an unbelievable count of votes in the poll for marriages ending up in divorces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
partners could not give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to family. This not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
states the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
negates the scope of advantages.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
the above disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, it is obvious that
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of life and cannot
be overlooked
to gain short-term goals. It is
therefore
necessary for everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in this toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life culture to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the importance of having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
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IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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