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Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this positive or negative development?

Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this positive or negative development? GMLBB
Technology is mushrooming day by day, online banking and use of social networks are becoming a daily part of life. Some argue that most people put their private information such as address, telephone number and passwords to logging in social networks or online banking. According to me, cybercrime rate could surge with usage of online banking. To control delinquency, banks should develop high level of security apps. There are two main factors to increase cybercrime. First, social networks accounts are expanding all over the world with pace. Additionally, people are putting their personal information while they are signing up for Facebook, Twitter and Tik Tok. For instance, individuals are giving consent to these third parties apps to use their information to get up to date services and apps development. Moreover, people often use online banking to transfer funds and manage their money, but this could be dangerous because hackers could crack their password and bank card number while they use banking on other parties' apps. However, nowadays, threatening people online becomes common in this modern and democratic world. In order to control online debates between different communities, authorities could get personal information through social apps and keep the crime rate under control. For example, undercover agencies in the United Kingdom arrested a group of people from Birmingham, who encouraged teenagers to change their religion with violence and hateful speeches. Lastly, online personal information could help to tackle criminals by using their location. In conclusion, every coin has two sides, online banking may occur frauds and misused money by sending to terrorist’s organisations but sometimes helpful to caught criminal.
Technology is mushrooming day by day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks are becoming a daily part of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as address, telephone number and passwords to logging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, cybercrime rate could surge with usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
. To control delinquency, banks should develop high level of security apps.

There are two main factors to increase cybercrime.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks accounts are expanding all over the world with pace.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are putting their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
while they are signing up for Facebook, Twitter and
Did you mean "TikTok" (= social networking app)?
Tik Tok
.
For instance
, individuals are giving consent to these third parties apps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up to date services and apps development.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
to transfer funds and manage their money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
hackers could crack their password and bank card number while they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
on other parties' apps.

However
, nowadays, threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
becomes common in this modern and democratic world. In order to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
debates between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
communities, authorities could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
apps and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the crime rate under control.
For example
, undercover agencies in the United Kingdom arrested a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from Birmingham, who encouraged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their religion with violence and hateful speeches.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to tackle criminals by using their location.

In conclusion
, every coin has two sides,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
may occur frauds and misused money by sending to terrorist’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
helpful to caught criminal.
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IELTS essay Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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