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Many people prefer to work foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be?Should governments give more financial support to local film indutries?

Many people prefer to work foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film indutries? 3keX
It is true that overseas films is being much more preferable among many instead of domestically made films. Indeed there could be some reasons why this is the case, and personally I believe that local film -making industries should be financially advocated by governments. In fact, there are 2 main causes why many people find foreign movies more enjoyable rather than locally produced ones. Firstly, overseas films have some talented producers, actors and filmmakers. What I mean by this, the quality of foreign producers who are able to touch the hearts of the audiences is far better than domestically films`s. Indeed these artists could play important roles in the maximum capacity which positively impact on the film`s quality. Secondly, there is a great variation in the foreign movies, which are more enjoyable than films made in thier own countries. It simply meas overseas film industries can allocate a huge budget destined for the high technology techiniques, and it helps foreign films to be in high quality. I am convinced that as long as governments do not help local film industries financially, then it will continue to be of poor quality as always. Thus, governments should provide film industry in their own countries to upgrade the tools and equipments, and also to progress the quality of domestic actors and actresses. Government`s help for the movie industry would bring more audiences to the theatre to enjoy those films and earn more ticket money. Moreover, quality films would bring fame for the country. To sum up, overseas films are more popular than locally produced ones by 2 main reasons, yet I am inclined to believe that once governments provide more monetary support to domestic films, then they would be famous over the world.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
films is being much more preferable among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instead
of
domestically
made films.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
there could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why this is the case, and
personally
I believe that local film -making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
should be
financially
advocated by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. In fact, there are 2 main causes why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
movies more enjoyable
rather
than
locally
produced ones.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
films have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
talented producers, actors and filmmakers. What I mean by this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
producers who are able to touch the hearts of the audiences is far better than
domestically
The character between 'films' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "films’s" (curly apostrophe) or "films's" (straight apostrophe).
films`s
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
these artists could play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
roles in the maximum capacity which
positively
impact on the
The character between 'film' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "film’s" (curly apostrophe) or "film's" (straight apostrophe).
film`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
.
Secondly
, there is a great variation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
movies, which are more enjoyable than films made in
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries. It
simply
Possible spelling mistake found.
meas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
can allocate a huge budget destined for the high technology
Possible spelling mistake found.
techiniques
, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
films to be in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
. I
am convinced
that as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
local film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
financially
, then it will continue to be of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
as always.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should provide film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries to upgrade the tools and equipments, and
also
to progress the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of domestic actors and actresses.
The character between 'Government' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "Government’s" (curly apostrophe) or "Government's" (straight apostrophe).
Government`s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for the movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
would bring more audiences to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
to enjoy those films and earn more ticket money.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
films would bring fame for the country. To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
films are more popular than
locally
produced
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
by 2 main reasons,
yet
I
am inclined
to believe that once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
provide more monetary support to domestic films, then they would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
over the world.
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IELTS essay Many people prefer to work foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film indutries?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
290 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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