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Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing.

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. kY70R
Over the period, extreme types of activity, such as hang-gliding and mountain climbing, have become more popular, especially among young people. Some people advocate this trend by claiming that the fast pace of life and its oversaturation ranged it necessary for people to seek thrills. However, I believe that it requires significant improvements in terms of healthcare and entertainment sections before making this kind of activity totally accessible. It is true that the rapid changes in the world make people look for new methods of entertaining themselves. Firstly, nowadays, the majority part of countries are experiencing a variety of economical and social changes. These changes have a great impact on the financial and social lives of society. So, people should consequently adapt to new situations, which leads to their emotional burnout. Consequently, people search for new ways of activities to distract from reality, thus they can keep their mental health. In this term, extreme activities are the best approach. They cause an adrenalin rush, so people can switch from daily routine. Secondly, modern life is overwhelmed with different types of activities. This trend makes a majority part of these activities no more entertaining for people. Therefore, More traditional activities have been being replaced by more extraordinary ones. For example, fly with a wingsuit is becoming more popular these days. Although these types of activities have several positive influences, the entertainment industry has not prepared to offer the safest activities for extremals. Moreover, healthcare and insurance systems are not used to deal with new types of extreme activities to minimize lethal. Skiing or snowboarding, for instance, can be lethal if there is an avalanche, that is unpredictable in most cases. So, existing systems are not able to ensure people's safety. To conclude, There are different reasons why people choose an extreme activity. However, There is required vital improvement to make these activities safer and more available for ordinary people.
Over the period,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, such as hang-gliding and mountain climbing, have become more popular,
especially
among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate this trend by claiming that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of life and its
Possible spelling mistake found.
oversaturation
ranged it necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to seek thrills.
However
, I believe that it requires significant improvements in terms of healthcare and entertainment sections
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
totally
accessible.

It is true that the rapid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
methods of entertaining themselves.
Firstly
, nowadays, the majority part of countries are experiencing a variety of economical and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have a great impact on the financial and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
consequently
adapt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
situations, which leads to their emotional burnout.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
search for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to distract from reality,
thus
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their mental health. In this term,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are the best approach. They cause an adrenalin rush,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can switch from daily routine.
Secondly
, modern life
is overwhelmed
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a majority part of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
no more entertaining for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, More traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have been
being replaced
by more extraordinary ones.
For example
,
fly
with a
Possible spelling mistake found.
wingsuit
is becoming more popular these days.

Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences, the entertainment industry has not prepared to offer the safest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
extremals
.
Moreover
, healthcare and insurance systems are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to minimize lethal. Skiing or snowboarding,
for instance
, can be lethal if there is an avalanche,
that is
unpredictable
in most cases
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, existing systems are not able to ensure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's safety.

To conclude
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
However
, There
is required
vital improvement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
safer and more available for ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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