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Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced?

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced? 0GWB
Living in busy urban areas saw a drawback in comparison to those people living in remote areas. In this essay, I will discuss why I quite agree with this statement. Firstly I will explore why are people who live in cities having more disadvantages than those who live in rural areas and secondly, I will give more viable information to support my idea. First of all, people who living in many big cities and using a personal car always face big traffic jams every day. They do waste time sticking in their cars for hours. To avoid this problem, many people choose to use public transports. For example, using an underground to increase the speed of travel but not much convenient. Moreover, the big disadvantage that they face is high living costs. Actually, around fifty percent of the salary of people who work and live in big cities are used for accommodation rent. In addition, health problems are one of the inevitable issues that people who live in towns have to face. They always be in rush hour, getting up early to work and meeting all the time, and they have one choice to make their life easier by eating junk foods, such as hamburgers, sandwiches and etc. These foods cause many diseases. For example, fried foods are the cause of cancer and heart disease. In conclusion, sometimes we can not select where we live and I think no matter where we stay in urban or remote areas, there are different benefits and drawbacks and it depends on how well we can adjust.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
in busy urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a drawback
in comparison
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. In this essay, I will discuss why I quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
Firstly
I will explore why are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in cities having more disadvantages than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and
secondly
, I will give more viable information to support my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
cities and using a personal car always face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
traffic jams every day. They do waste time sticking in their cars for hours. To avoid this problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transports.
For example
, using an underground to increase the speed of travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not much convenient.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
disadvantage that they face is high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
costs. Actually, around fifty percent of the salary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
cities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for accommodation rent.

In addition
, health problems are one of the inevitable issues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in towns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face. They
The adverb 'always' usually goes after the verb 'be'.
always be
in rush hour, getting up early to work and meeting all the time, and they have one choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life easier by eating junk foods, such as hamburgers, sandwiches
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. These foods cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases.
For example
, fried foods are the cause of cancer and heart disease.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we can not select where we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
no matter where we stay in urban or remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
benefits and drawbacks and it depends on how well we can adjust.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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