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Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?

Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media? XaJA
There are different views on the causes of violence in the world today. Some argue that it is connected to people's exposure to violent scenes on television and in films, whilst others point to wider problems in society such as unemployment, poor housing and education as the root of anti-social behaviour. It is my belief that violence in the media plays a significant role in encouraging violent behaviour. A first point is that as levels of violence in the media increase, so does young people's exposure to it. Even films aimed at children often contain violence and despite the difficulty of proving whether this directly affects society, it is hard not to be concerned. After all, children learn through modelling adult behaviour, so if the models they choose are violent then it is highly likely that they may be violent themselves. Furthermore, the way violence is portrayed in the media is often stylized resulting in violence being seen as attractive. People who are easily impressed may then behave violently themselves. Although research has shown that aggressive behaviour is actually often the result of having aggressive parents, I still believe that the unrealistic way violence is shown in the media must have a negative result on society. Finally, the media has become increasingly globalized which means that violence in programmes or films can be viewed all over the world. I would argue that the increasing quantity and level of violence seen around the world must be a negative force in society. In conclusion, although it is difficult to prove beyond a doubt the effect of violence in the media on society, I believe that the result on the young, the unrealistic way it is shown and the global nature of media communications all have a significant and negative impact on society.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that it
is connected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes on television and in films, whilst others point to wider problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
such as unemployment, poor housing and education as the root of anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. It is my belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
plays a significant role in encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

A
first
point is that as levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
increase,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's exposure to it. Even films aimed at children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and despite the difficulty of proving whether this
directly
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
not to
be concerned
.
After all
, children learn through modelling adult
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if the models they choose are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
then it is
highly
likely that they may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
themselves.

Furthermore
, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is portrayed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
stylized resulting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as attractive.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who are
easily
impressed may then behave
violently
themselves. Although research has shown that aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is actually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the result of having aggressive parents, I
still
believe that the unrealistic way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is shown
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
result on society.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has become
increasingly
globalized which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
or films can
be viewed
all over the world. I would argue that the increasing quantity and level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
force in society.

In conclusion
, although it is difficult to prove beyond a doubt the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, I believe that the result on the young, the unrealistic way it
is shown
and the global nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
communications all have a significant and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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